Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Health Education and Preventative Measures – 2.

health and preventive care IELTS PTE

“Prevention is better than cure.” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. Do you agree or disagree?

IELTS: 40 minutes, 250 words at least.

PTE: 20 minutes, 200 to 300 words.

Please go through a related essay as well: Medical Care and Life Expectancy.

Please go through the sample answer as well as another student’s answer.

Answer:

While some people believe that spending a big proportion of huge amount on health education and preventative measures is not a good thing, instead of better than giving allocating the budget to health care. I think that creating health awareness and taking preventative measures help a lot in country’s growth. (While some people believe X, I think Y. Rephrase: While some people believe allocating budget to healthcare is vital to maintain public health, I think investing/ spending funds on education and preventative measures is equally important.)

Spreading awareness on benefits of a good health is useful. Because because it helps in not only building a nation’s economy but also promoting individual growth and people live with full of happy and mentally strong(Learn the concept of parallelism. Please read this article and discuss with me.) (73 words. The introduction should be around 50 words.)

The Cost of medical care is too (extremely/ exorbitantly) high both for individuals and governments. Most people are poor and government budgets are in deficit (Link the first two sentences using since). By promoting health awareness and preventative methods like such as giving vaccines and other medical support, people do not get catch big health deadly diseases (diseases are always related to ‘health’) with this country’s economic growth increases automatically. (write a fresh sentence or use a proper connector) For instance, if the number of people getting illness falling ill (catching illness) increases, they do not are unable to work properly. Their , their income reduces, and certainly national economy also suffers decreases. When people have good health country’s growth increases(Your ideas are fine. The expression is poor due to inadequate vocabulary.) (79 words.)

Some of the people do not (Red Flag: overuse of “do not”) happy with their family’s health and growth. They get depressed sometimes. (Rephrase: Poor physical health not only adversely affects the patient but also the family members since it results in/ leads to financial distress.) It is important to have a good physical health in families to be stable psychologically mentally. With the awareness of some personal care among family members, it is possible (Rephrase: Awareness about the benefits of a good health through government campaigns in hospitals, social media advertising, and television programs can reduce the economic/ financial burden of curing a disease.). For example, in some families, they use single soap for the entire family. If anyone has a skin disease the whole group gets catches it. With awareness, it should not happen because everyone must use their separate soaps. (80 words.)

In conclusion, health education and preventative methods can help to control the medical expenditure of individuals, government and the mental stability of people. If it is done future will be bright. (Conclusion is not strong. Need to improve it. 31 words. Short. Write about 40 to 50 words.)

Total Words = 263. Your sentences are too small. Connect two simple sentences to create complex structures.

Ask any doubts in the comments box below.

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1 reply »

  1. I am lagging with grammar and complex sentence structures and i am not convey the total matter in short. I am using more sentences to convey my ideas. how to reduce these things.Finally, my ideas are not delivered what exactly it is.

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