Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Save Money or Spend it on Enjoyment?

money IELTS PTE

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Some people prefer to save money. Others prefer to use the money on things they enjoy. What is the best approach towards money? discuss both the views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer.

Money is the most important factor for running a every people’s person’s life. Many people consider saving money as much more important whereas some like prefer spending it on entertainment. In my opinion, saving money is significant than spending in a sense that since it provides a secure and a comfort comfortable life to in the long term. (Can improve the introduction using fixed structure.)

Firstly, saving helps making the life of people more luxurious in the future. As an illustration, if people make a saving, they can afford various types of equipments like such as washing machine, micro-oven and so on which ultimately ease their living style. Secondly, advocates of this approach believe that saved amount not only help helps to run daily life but also can be applied for enhancing enhances offspring’s career (Parallelism – helps is parallel to enhances). For example, many middle class parents of moderate class family save money for their children (Word repetition: save). Moreover, saving provides security during old age. As people become physically weak with aging, they may suffer from death causing unexpected diseases, during which deposited amount can be used. (Can’t suffer from death)

However, there are also some people preferring to prefer to spend and live a sophisticated life with full of recreation and enjoyment. They think that life is to enjoy. So, they want to experience everything either to go all around the world or to buy expansive expensive and high brand clothes or even have expansive expensive cuisine every day. This can be seen in most of the high-class families of our country. (Learn connecting SIMPLE sentences to create a complex sentence using CONNECTING/ LINKING words. This will promote cohesion in the essay) Connect 3 sentences to create one sentence: Individuals from the high-income families believe that life is meant to be enjoyed and they prefer experiencing various things such as expensive cuisines and branded clothes across the world.

Furthermore, people struggle and do hard work to earn and they think through this all hardship why not to prefer spending that money to enjoy and satisfy ourselves themselves. As a result, people they do not care how expensive it is but try to spend money to every extent to have fun. That means they want to equalize their struggle with recreation. Connecting the last two sentences: Consequently, they equalize their struggles with recreation by investing the money in various sports, adventure, and recreational activities. 

In a nutshell, personally, what I think is it is very important to have saving. However it does not mean we should not spend money, it implies we should also think about the future and invest our earning in productive sectors rather than to spend in enjoying and entertaining. Rephrase your conclusion using linking words: In conclusion, it is important to strike an optimum balance between preserving wealth and spending it on recreational activities since it will not only save funds for the rainy day but also keep a person motivated to work more. (Use fixed conclusion structure to write better.)

Too long. Please keep it short. Saves time and exposes fewer mistakes.

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