IELTS ESSAY CORRECTION: COMPANIES USE SPORTS EVENTS TO PROMOTE PRODUCTS – 1.

sports advertisement IELTS PTE

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Major companies use sport events to promote their products. Some people think it has a negative effect on sport. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experiences.

40 minutes, 250 words.

Please go through another student’s corrections HERE.

Sample answer for this question.

Answer:

Although such topics, in all likelihood, never will yield in a consensual agreement, a constructive dialogue on the effect of products promotion during sports events can lead to thought-provoking discussions. My view is that irrespective of the numerous disputes arise on either side, promotion during sports events has more positive impacts than it’s negative ones on the sport. (parallelism violates. “Has more X than Y“. ‘Has’ is automatically linked to both X and Y.(Introduction is well-written.)

On the one hand, there are some people who shed light on the fact that promotion during sports events would mislead the people. Such people They argue that most of the promotion during sports events has no value. For instance, products with no value have negative effects on the sport. (Idea introduced but not explained. General statements without specific details will NOT fetch you bands. Task Response.)

However, in spite of these arguments, I believe that products promotion during sports events can lead to various favorable consequences. Firstly, it gives chance for to small companies with low budget to give exposeure to their products people. For example, a startup company needs to be propagated advertised during huge events. Secondly, this promotion supports the sports financially for better stadiums and so on. (Rephrase: Secondly, sports promotion helps authorities finance sports infrastructure such as stadiums, sports equipment, and trainers.) Lastly, in a nutshell, it acts as a sponsorship for the events to appear in good shape. (Unfortunately, IELTS doesnot give bands only for introducing the ideas. Your essay is devoid of explanation. Task response is not good.)

I see that there is potential evidence to fortify the contention I have provided. Thus, I am inclined to come to the conclusion that I agree with the promotion of products during sports events. (Conclusion is great in terms of vocabulary – LR – not in terms of structure or content.)

Total Words = 217. The questions states “write 250 words at least“. If you write less than the stated number, you will be penalised. Bands = 6.5.

Strong potential to score 7.5. Just need to learn a few things and fine-tune the essay to suit exam’s requirements.

Ask any doubts in the comments box below.

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