IELTS Essay Correction: Working for the Same Organisation.

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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words only.

Answer:
A good working environment is very important to improve our working skills, to get promoted and even to enjoy a stable life. Many argue that working in the same organisation is beneficial (MENTION reasons here) while others prefer to experience their work in different companies (Mention reasons here). This essay agrees that pursuing a job in a single institution is better as it provides job security and a comfortable environment to work on. This essay will discuss both points of view.
Admittedly, resuming continuing the same job throughout their life brings many economic benefits to the employee employees. As they are familiar with the working environment, they know how to do a particular task or to tackle some of the official problems. Moreover, since they are doing (Wrong tense – present continuous) the same thing over many years so they get mastered in that area and and their experiences increases the chances of getting promoted. (Eliminate the need of present continuous by making an auxiliary verb the main verb. Rephrase: Moreover, doing the same job over several years helps an individual become an expert in that area and increases the chances of a promotion.) Furthermore, the employers employees who are doing (Wrong tense – present continuous.) do (carry-out) their jobs in a single institution for a long time will (Use Simple Present tense only) get emotionally attached to the collaboration and they (This pronoun violates the principle of Parallelism.) get the feeling of being at home and helps help (Verbs – get, get and help – should be parallel) them work with honestly and diligent dedication (dedication = diligence). Apart from that, they will be are respected as a senior employees and even sometimes provideded with financial benefits and insurance coverage. For example, my aunt who started her career as a staff nurse in a multi specialty hospital worked diligently in the same institution and got retired as a Nursing Superintendent after her 36 years of service.
On the other hand, working in various organisation gives us the opportunity to learn and experience new areas and new (avoid word repetition) fresh skills. Each new institution provides new a different environment and need new demands (parallelism) specific skills to excel and thus increases employee skill set. At times we may be getting higher post or high remuneration as we join another institution. However, it can be extremely difficult to get adapted to the changing environment and it even takes more time to show our skills and talent so as to get a designation we incur ????. For example, when I joined Reliance Company with a 5 years of experience, I was given the post of General Manager with a higher pay scale. (Add some more meat to your examples. For instance: When I joined Reliance Industries after working in Tata Motors for five years, the company valued my experience and offered my the position of a General Manager of its Mumbai region operations.)
In conclusion, continuing the same job creates economic and personal benefit while working for a different organisation, one should be competitive enough and should have adaptation skills to get familiar with the changing environment.

Total Words = 386. Too long. You must save some time for revision. Bands = 6.5. Repetition of several old mistakes.

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One Comment

  1. Ahmed Hamza

    PTE

    Although such topics in all likelihood never will yield a consensual agreement, a constructive discussion on which is better for people is it working in one organization for life or different organizations? can lead to thought-provoking discussions. My view is that irrespective of the numerous disputes arise on either side working in more than one organization in people’s career life is better than one organization.

    One the one hand, there are some people who shed light on the fact that working in the same organization for life work is an optimum career pathway. such people may argue that being stable in an organization would make you do your best for better performance and efficiency. Moreover, You will have the willing to raise up in titles. In fact, regarding the study done by Harvard University in 1988 shows almost 60% of people who work in one organization for life work are more successful and have a better lifestyle.

    On the other hand, in spite of these arguments, I believe that working in more than one organization in career pathway results in more favorable consequences. Firstly, it accelerates gaining experience. In other words, learning myriad ways of doing one thing is better than do it in a single way. Secondly, it enlarges the circle of relationships in the field. Finally, in a nutshell, it builds a skillful person who is hunted by different organizations.

    I see that there is a potential evidence to fortify the contention I have provided. Thus, I am inclined to come to the conclusion that working in more than one organization is better than one due to its favorable consequences.

    Like

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