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IELTS Essay Correction: People Turning Towards Fast Food.

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With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

40 minutes, 250 words.

Please go through the following essay on Junk Food as well.

  1. Teach children to avoid junk food.

Answer:

Modernization is progressively taking over the world, making a large number of individuals opt for fast food as their main meal. However, regular consumption of fast food not only destroys one’s health but also increases weight rapidly. (Merge this sentence in the next sentence. Mention the disadvantages where you write the word disadvantage) Although, there can be a few benefits of this trend such as ……, but the advantages can never outweigh the disadvantages ranging from X to Y(Correct constructions: Although X, Y; X, but Y. Do not use although and but in the same construction.)

Although this trend has a few benefits such as it saves time, it has greater advantages range from destroying one’s health to increasing weight rapidly.

Now that advantages and disadvantages are MENTIONED in the introduction (as underlined), discuss them in greater detail in body paragraphs.   

There are numerous fast food centres on every street. The and the (the previous sentence was just 9 words long. That’s too small. Better combine such sentences using connectors such as AND) reason for its their (subject = food centres.) popularity is a major amount of individuals turning up to it, each day (This is not the reason. Popularity = people going to the place. Better say “since it is easy to consume and readily available.”). Eating fast food is not only considered convenient but also has become a fashion fashionable. (violates parallelism. considered = adjective. fashionable = adjective. Please read the article HERE. If you need further explanation, please let me know.)

There are numerous fast food centres on every street and the primary reasons for their popularity is that fast food is no

The attractive presentation and unique flavour combination, (this is not a modifier. No need of commas before and after this clause. Ask me for further clarity.) with a wide variety of options, is making it the most preferred choice in terms of food. Moreover, (use of connectors increases COHESION in your essay and boost your score.) making a healthy meal at home requires time which (I like this connector) people do not have. And therefore, they make junk food such as pizzas and burgers, their alternative for food.

Despite these advantages (this is a good connector), there are serious disadvantages of eating fast food regularly. Human body needs proportionate amount of nutrients for its growth and development, and a proper healthy meal is the only way to achieve it. While fast food is something one can relish, it stands low on the nutrient scale. Moreover, the extra fat it has causes many health problems such as cardiac diseases, digestion problems and much more. In addition to this, it also adds upon the body weight of the person, which can further lead to obesity and numerous health issues.  (Excellent! I love this paragraph. Perfect usage of pronoun “IT” – referencing. Good connecting devices. Great logic and flow. Perfect vocabulary – Lexical Resources. No grammar mistake. Collocation is good. 7.5+ paragraph.)

In conclusion, fast food is to should be eaten occasionally and not as an alternative for to a proper meal. Healthy food is important for a healthy sound (word repetition – healthy) body. While fast food is convenient to eat on a busy day, its advantages can never outweigh the disadvantages. (Conclusion is good.)

Total Words = 285. Bands = 6.5. Very close to 7 if you can avoid a few grammar mistakes. You need to improve the introduction. Conclusion is fine. Adding an example will also improve your score. Please create an example with data/ facts and send it to me separately.

Ask any doubts in the comments box below.

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