Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Car Trips By Both Genders in 2005.

The bar chart shows the estimated percentage of car trips taken by drivers in 2005.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant. 

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20 minutes, 150 words only.

Please go through the SAMPLE ANSWER as well.

Answer:

The chart illustrates the approximate (who says this is approximate?) proportion (It’s not the proportion of vehicles but ‘number of car trips’. Please do not compromise logic and task response to write synonyms.) of vehicles drove with gender (the vehicles are not driven WITH gender) and purpose in the year 2005.

The given bar chart (subject) illustrates the percentage of car trips (direct object) for different purposes (indirect object) by both genders (indirect object) in the year 2005 (object of time placed at the end).

Overall, it can be seen that women drivers had taken more car trips than as compared to (correct construction: X as compared to Y) male drivers (how did you reach this conclusion? did you add the numbers? Please don’t do that. You can’t assume that there’s no overlap – that is, same drivers entering into multiple categories. Never make assumptions in Task 1.). The highest percentage of both male and female drivers was seen driving their vehicles to work. While women drove the lowest (lowest what? Can’t use an ADJECTIVE without a NOUN. While the women made the least (adj) number of trips (noun) to ……) to visit town, men on the other hand drove to bank and to run errandsmen travelled the least to bank and to run errands. (Remember: subject – verb – object sequence.)

In terms (can’t say that) of female drivers, the highest percentage at around 40% percent was seen driving to work. Other purposes such as courses(12%), bank(9%), running errands(10%), visiting friends(8%) and shopping(18%) also witnessed more of women drivers than men (Learn the art of linking numbers with words. Do not use brackets. Let me show you: Among female drivers (Name the CATEGORY at the beginning of the sentence), the greatest percentage, about 40 percent, drove to work followed by 18 percent for shopping, 12 percent for courses, 10 percent for running errands, 9 percent to banks, and 8 percent for visiting friends. Follow an order – I’ve used a descending one.). The lowest percentage of female drivers, around 2%, is seen to visit the town.

In terms of male drivers Among male drivers, more than 50% half (need not use percentage everytime) of drivers were seen driving to work, which accounted to for the highest percentage in both men and women. Other than work, visiting town(9%) and recreation(11%) also witnessed higher percentage of male drivers than female (refer to the sentence above to link numbers with words.). The lowest percentage of male drivers was seen driving to bank and to run errands at 3% each.

Bands = 6.0.

A latter addition:

“Overall, it can be seen that women made a higher amount percentage of trips for courses, bank, running errands, visiting friends and shopping, while men were leading in visiting town, recreation and work. The highest no number of car trips were taken for the purpose of work by both the genders. Women were seen driving drove the least for the purpose of visiting town and men made the least trips to bank and to run errands.” (trends clearly written. Good job!)

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