Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Health Education and Preventative Measures – 3.

health and preventive care IELTS PTE

‘Prevention is better than cure.’’ Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measure. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

40 minutes, 250 words only.

Please go through a related essay as well: Medical Care and Life Expectancy.

Please go through the sample answer as well as another student’s answer.

Answer:

A substantial part of a country’s health budget should be allocated to health education and pre-emptive steps against diseases rather than providing medical care (well-written.). I strongly agree with this idea since such health campaigns will not only share the burden of health care departments (reason 1) but also improve the quality of life (reason 2)(51 words. Perfect Length.)

By educating people about infectious diseases, certainly we can certainly (Important concept. Discuss with me. Great use of modifier “by ….. diseases”) reduce the workload of hospitals and health providing units. An educated community, which is familiar with the route of infection and sources of contamination (modifier), can effectively combat against infections leading to decline in hospital referrals. For example, according to a survey held in Bihar, India in 2014, there is was (use past tense since the year is in past) a dramatic fall in reported malaria cases at tertiary health care units by about fifty percent within a year due to introduction of door to door campaign named ‘Eradication of Malaria Causes’. (I loved reading this paragraph. Good job!)

A scientific analysis shows that health education programmes, which promote good health practices and encourage people to adopt a healthy life style (modifier), improve the quality of life tremendously (Collocation) altogether. Since such pre-emptive measures explain health friendly habits as well as those that are injurious to health, so (no need of a SO in SINCE construction.) they catch public attention easily. For instance, an article in THE INDIAN NEWS The Indian News reported that in 2014 about five thousand individuals, who got motivation by local seminars (this should not be a modifier since without the clause between commas the sentence does not stand.), quit smoking.

In conclusion, there is an ample scientific evidence that public awareness about disease prevention has more benefits as compared to sole medical care provision. A medically aware community not only becomes (Subject-verb disagreement) a government allay in checking infections but also takes (Subject-verb disagreement) part in health promoting activities. (Conclusion is nice. You’re a competitor!)

Total Words = 257. Bands = 7+. This essay performs well on Task Response, Cohesion, Grammar as well as lexical resources.

Follow this blog for more such exciting IELTS and PTE essays and like our Facebook Page. Let’s crack English language exams. You can contact us here.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s