IELTS Essay Correction: Animals Should not be Exploited.

Animal rights IELTS PTE

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A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Please go through a similar answer on Animal Rights.

Answer:

Many people believe that humans should not utilize animals for their purposes personal intentions since they have the equal rights as human beings, while others oppose this view. Both sides of the arguments will be discussed in this essay(no need to write this sentence. Use this space to MENTION the points you intend to EXPLAIN in the body paragraphs. In BOTH OPINIONS essay, use the first line to mention the reasons supporting view 1 and use the second line to mention the reasons supporting view 2. With this the conclusion ends.)

Many people believe that humans should not use animals for their purposes since …..reason…… . Others, however, think that animals should be used to satisfy human needs as ……reason…… .

On the one hand, animals are sentient beings and they experience the same feelings and emotions as humans do. Nowadays, a large number of animals are being killed to fulfill the ever increasing human needs of people, (understand the right placement of such assuch as food, and research (maintain parallelism. Please read the article on Rules of parallelism.) and other profitable business. According to World Wide Fund in Africa, the population of rhinoceros has decreased drastically to 30 percent within a the last one decade. The brutality on such animals creats them having unbearable pain of physical injuries and loss of offsprings (this sentence lacks a proper structure.). Thus, many feel the greedy attitude of individuals toward animals should be ceased and the best of technologies can be a substitute for animal experiments in the name of survival and scientific studies. They deserve the rights and freedoms to live on this planet because the world is not only restricted to humans only (placement of only can change the meaning of a sentence), but other creatures too. (You’ve not explained WHY animals should not be exploited. When you DISCUSS a view, please give reasons supporting that view.)

On the other hand, animals provide human population with enormous benefits. Firstly, animal meat are the is an essential source of vitamins, proteins and other vital nutrients which make people healthy with frequent consumption (understand the correct placement) (Firstly,  frequent consumption of animal meat, which is an essential source of vitamins, proteins and micro-nutrients, makes people healthy.). In addition to this, advanced medicines and incredible surgical operations to cure the large numbers of serious diseases are the results of continuous experiments done on animal species. Researchers in Japan, for example, have recently discovered an antibiotic element from crocodiles’ blood, which can eliminate the pathogens that are more likely to resist to the current antibiotic drugs used. (this paragraph has a better structure than the previous one. Please develop an idea before giving a supporting example – as done in this paragraph.)

In conclusion, after analysing both views, although animals have the same rights as human beings, in my opinion, human life is far more important, and thus animals can be utilised for the betterment of our lives. (Please explain your view in a bit more detail. If you are using your opinion in conclusion, please make it about 50 words long. Try using If …. , Then ……. construction in the conclusion.)

In conclusion, although animals should have the same rights as humans have, in my opinion, human life is far more important. If animals are not used for research and food (present tense), humans will (future tense) fail in developing various life saving drugs in the future and many people will (future tense) not get food in climatically hostile areas of earth. 

Bands = 6.5. Task Response is fine except YOUR OPINION – please explain it in more detail. Use of cohesive devices is also good. Some grammar related issues particularly in placement of words. Lexical resources have a scope of improvement.

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