Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Buying Online.

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An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

A vast majority of people are getting attracted towards the trend of shopping online. While it has many advantages like such as (like vs such as) shopping at the convenience of your home and getting daily discounts, it also has certain disadvantages like ranging from receiving fake products and to going off budget. (43 words. The paragraph is concise and expresses ideas clearly. Well done.)

There are several advantages to of shopping (to + infinitive form of the verb – no ing) online for both individuals and companies. The major one being able to shop purchase (word repetition: shop) from the convenience of your house and not having to rush out to waste many hours, taking into consideration considering the heavy traffic and congestion on roads. Even companies have the benefit of marketing digitally, rather than the age old door-to-door marketing (Either explain this or avoid writing.). In addition to this, online shopping also provides the consumers with different discounts each day, which makes make a product reasonably cheaper than the market price. Online companies also (word repetition: also) gain through this by as they earn digitally through websites as well as through commission on products.

(Brevity is a valued principle in essay writing. Instead of writing “taking into consideration” prefer “considering”. Similarly, instead of writing “it can be clearly seen” prefer “clearly“.)

Paragraph structure analysis: Your first advantage is for consumers but you never mentioned that – you just wrote your. The second advantage is for companies, but that is unexplained. The third is again for consumers, which you wrote well. The final is again for companies. This is a proverbial, North Indian kichdi. Write the first two for consumers while mentioning consumers clearly. Write the next for companies. Prefer writing three that you can EXPLAIN.

Despite these advantages, there are also a few disadvantages to of online shopping (online shopping has a few disadvantages such as ……… prefer this structure) such as receiving fake products and shopping for items that are not needed and many more (‘many more’ violates parallelism). E-commerce websites usually sell branded items, which, upon purchase, often turn up to be something else. The return policy also does not work every time, which gives a loss to the buyer, (remove these commas. this is not a modifier) as branded these (do not repeat the noun branded, instead prefer the pronoun these which will promote cohesion.) items are usually (word repetition: usually) normally very expensive. In addition to this, people also tend to go off budget and shop more than needed while shopping online, as they get attracted towards the sales and presentation of items on the website.

In conclusion, although there are many advantages of shopping online, it should be restricted to limited purchase and the authenticity of the product should also be checked thoroughly before buying the item, to avoid receiving fake products. (37 words. The conclusion is well-written.)

Bands = 6.5.

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