Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Make Their Own Choices – 1.

children make decisions IELTS

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Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

While it is true that children who are allowed (passive voice) to make their own decisions on daily issues are more likely to become a member of a community taking only their own desires into account, it can not be denied by some (passive voice) that important decisions having a possible effect on their future should be conducted by children them (continue with the pronoun) (passive voice). Write one sentence for each view in a “discuss both views” essay: Many people believe that children should not be allowed to make their own decisions on daily issues since this makes them selfish individuals who take their desires into account. Others assert that making decisions independently has a strong influence in shaping bright professional careers.

In my opinion, there should be a balance between these two statements in case importance is compared to each other.

On one hand, letting children decide on the daily topics such as food, entertainment and clothes improves their confidence on in themselves and promotes further contribution on their personality development (The opening sentence of a paragraph sets tone for the entire paragraph. No sentence should oppose it. You favor decision making in the first sentence and then oppose it in subsequent ones. Wrong paragraph structuring.). However, pupils solely making all the decisions regarding their preferences on everyday matters tend to be self-centered and spoiled in case if/ since there is no barrier or feedback reflected on them their decisions, which may help them understand the value and implications of choices. As a result, the community will consist of members-only thinking their own benefits and desires instead of taking the others’ considerations and wishes. For instance, if we let our child buy any ice cream anytime he/she wants, instead of teaching how to share of it with the friends, self-centered individuals will be inevitable in the future. (the use of if …. then ….. clause is perfect. However, the example is not strong enough. Make it better by adding some data/ facts. The best examples are those that contain some research/survey/report.) For example, the human resource department of New York (name) recently (time) published a report emphasizing a disturbing trend among children who make almost all decisions without any adult guidance. These children not only get mature before their peer group but also become selfish and isolated.

On the other hand, allowing pupils to make their own decisions on their own on daily matters is as significant as letting them make decisions on topics that may have an effect on them in future. Shared (is this paragraph on independent decisions or shared decisions. sentence 1 and 2 contradict each other.) decisions in childhood may trigger a positive impact on the future aspects and features of the common attitude (what do you mean by ‘features of common attitude’? Please keep things simple and explain everything.) in whole society. For instance, one child contributing to voting at home for health preferences would positively become a prestigious member of the community who deals with the problems taking the consideration of the others into account instead of own interests. (Unable to understand this example. Can you please try to rewrite it and send me. Please avoid writing things which are not clear to the reader.)

In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of allowing children to make their decisions on daily matters should be balanced with the drawbacks of letting them make decisions on matters affecting themselves them(you need to explain your viewpoint. In conclusion, put your viewpoint clearly in the first sentence. Then use the second sentence to explain it.)

In conclusion, I believe children should be allowed to make their own decisions under the watchful eve of adult guardians. While making decisions is important to shape bright futures, parental guidance is important to keep a check on any wrong decision that children do not understand.

Bands = 6.0. Need to address paragraph structuring issues. Write clearly without leaving anything unexplained to score 7.0 bands.

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