The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport City Centre from 2003 to 2012.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
20 minutes, 150 words.
The line graph gives information about the changing rates of
crime burglary, car theft and robbery in Newport City Centre, in three different areas namely burglary, car theft and robbery between 2003 and 2012. (A bit of alteration in sentence structure. Please ask if you’ve not understood.)
Overall, the burglary was the highest performed criminal activity in the beginning, which (was the “beginning” taken over by car theft? I’m sure not.) was taken over by car theft towards the end of the given period. Overall, burglary, which was the highest performed criminal activity in the beginning, was taken over by car theft ………
The personal robbery had the least crime rate throughout the period of ten years. (an Overall portion is well written. Good job. Sentence structure mistake, again.)
The burglary was the highest in 2003 and it (pronoun as a referencing word) reached almost 3800 incidents in 2004
, but . (End the sentence here) However, it soon began to fall gradually , (no need of a comma) until in 2008 where when (the right referencing word for time) it reached its lowest point at just over 1000 incidents. It then remained constant in the last four years reaching around 1300 in 2012. Car theft was at its the highest at around 3000 incidents in 2003 and then it slightly decreased in the next year before falling sharply to reach 2000 incidents by 2006. It then started increasing gradually to reach almost 2700 by the end of the given period. (Very well written, except a few mistakes.)
Personal robberies remained the lowest among all categories of crime (must explain what LOWEST means – within the category or between categories) throughout the period of ten years, starting (wrong placement of this modifier. What is starting? Ten years or Personal robberies?) at around 600 incidents in 2003. Personal robberies, which started at around 600 incidents in 2003, remained the lowest among all categories of crime during the ten years.
It showed a slight variation
in between in this period and reached almost the same value (same as what?) initial value/ level by 2012.
Definitely well-written. Deserve 7 bands. Just correct a few mistakes.
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