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IELTS Essay Correction: Government is Wasting Money on Arts.

art IELTS PTE

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Some people think that the government is wasting money on arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Art is a ubiquitous part of our human civilization and it can express ideas and even words we cannot say. Many argue that art is not essential for humans as it is not a necessity for survival and governments should invest money in other departments such as health, education and public services. I strongly disagree with this idea since art will not only preserve(parallelism) our culture and heritage but also provides intense happiness, relieves stress and improves creativity. (Well-written!)

Art reveals has expressed and preserved the culture of people from various civilizations from an ancient age time (Use correct words. Lexical Resources.). It is the free expression of human mind and senses and forms an essential part of our society. Many ancient paintings, carvings, sculptures and music express the culture of that particular the contemporary era and preserves preserve (parallelism) that it for the understanding of future generations. The carving and sculptures discovered while during (‘during’ vs ‘while’ – while is followed by a sentence, during is used within a sentence) excavation in various regions revealed as the history and culture of old civilizations such as Indus valley and Mesopotamian civilization. Moreover, art galleries, movies, documentaries, sculptures and architectural monuments are seen and visited by tourist and art lovers which (connect which with things that provide revenue) provide revenue for the government. (Moreover, tourists and art lovers visit galleries, movies, documentaries, sculptures and architectural monuments which provide ……..)

For example, in 2006 Indian government spend spent more than 50 lakh for renovation and preservation of Taj Mahal in Agra which is a monument which that (when you need to repeat which in a sentence, use that) showcases the culture and tradition of Mughal kingdom and ancient Indian architecture. Consequently, it is the responsibility of the government to preserve this art so that the future generation can see and experience it.

It is true that government should provide fund funds for basic human necessities such as education, health, and public services but not at the cost of art. Generally arts are not funded, if there is no support from government, art will die out. Since art is not privately funded by businesses, it will not survive without active government support. So government should allocate a considerable amount to preserve and encourage art. Moreover, arts are considered to be a great form of entertainment. Viewing and practicing art are good sources of venting out stress and it they (there is no art in the sentence. It contains “viewing and practicing art.”) also improves creativity. Furthermore, encouragement of art from government improves the livelihood of thousands of people who has have their career dependant on art and it encourages an artist to continue it as their job. For example, Da Vinci and Picasso, (need a comma here to create a modifier) who were eminent painters of the 20th century, whom produced world class painting which are still valued today.

To conclude, arts are art is essential as it is what brings meaning and purpose to humanity. If government allocates more resources for the creation of new art and preservation of existing arts(need a comma for IF….., THEN …… clause) it will preserve our culture and civilization and can will develop creativity.

Total Words = 412. Too long. Please try writing 300 words otherwise your task 2 will consume task 1’s time.

Bands = 7.0. Need to create a better paragraph structuring. Sentence structure is okay but needs improvements.

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