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IELTS Essay Correction: University Education – Benefits or Unemployment.

University Subjects IELTS PTE

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Some people believe that young people should have a university education because this will bring benefits to the society in the future. Others, however, think it will lead to graduate unemployment. Discuss both views and give your opinion. 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Higher education plays a pivotal role in the professional life of a person. Since since this it will not only elevates the standard of living but also makes a person more responsible and mature (not only, but also construction. Combine the two sentences.). Beside these life-changing benefits higher education have has some drawbacks which cannot be ignored. (Introduction is straight to the topic. Well-written.)

Firstly(need a comma here) it is obvious that primary objective of any university is to conferred confer a successful student with a professional degree. It is considered that the higher the degree, the higher (the more ….., the …… expression) will be the success rate or post. This will not only elevates elevate a person standard of living but also (not only, but also construction) improve (parallelism – elevate is parallel to improve) their perspective towards society will also change. Being on an eminent position, (need a comma here. Modifier) a person can think about the welfare of society. For example, a newly appointed IPS (what is that? Do not leave anything for an examiner to imagine.) officer have has a zeal to do something for a society which is possible for him. For this he sometimes performs a dauntless task to nab the culprits, and, ultimately, it affects the society in a good way. (please write a non-personal example. For instance, a human resource ministry report recently revealed that as educational qualifications of a candidate increase from a graduate to a doctorate, the prospects of job increase by more than 300 percent.)

On the other hand, it is also true that having a higher degree does not mean that a person will get a job. Eventually, it will leads towards unemployment (this sentence is too small) On the other hand, having a higher degree does not guarantee a job and this often leads to the high unemployment rate among educated people.

For instance, recently in India a survey was held, which depicts a survey in India depicted (tense. Use fewer words) that there are 10 crore people who possess a degree. Among these 10 crore people, only 65 percent people have a job but and the rest of the population are is still unemployed. Please connect the two sentences to create a single sentence: For instance, a survey in India depicted that out of 10 crore people who possess a degree, only 65 percent have a job and the rest are unemployed. 

Due to this reason their future seems dark (how? Please do not leave it unexplained. The survey further claimed that these unemployed individuals have little chance of getting a job in future.). They also contribute into to the society but it looks difficult (what looks difficult?) for them because of inadequate job opportunities. This negative aspect of higher education blemishes the image of developed countries (how are the developed countries related?) in the world.  A lot of unanswered/ unexplained stuff here.

In conclusion(need a comma) both aspects of university education are debatable (how are they debatable? In conclusion, while higher education creates bright future for some, it leads to unemployment for others.). The government should make some plans and strategies, and implement them successfully (for what? Governments should design employment generation plans and strategies and implement them in collaboration with higher education institutions.). Moreover, it is the liability of a government to create jobs first for the unemployed population after that they can think about the countries progress.

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