The pie chart gives information about the causes of worldwide land degradation and the table shows
data of percentage (data = percentage) of land degraded due to these causes in North America, Europe and Oceania in 1990 the 1990s. (that’s a decade, not a year)
Overall, the major cause of land degradation was overgrazing and the highest percentage of land was deteriorated in Europe.
Overgrazing destroyed the
highest amount largest percentage of worldwide land globally. Deforestation and over cultivation over-cultivation (must join the words.) had a marginal difference of just 2 percent, at 30 and 28 respectively. A very less portion of land was deteriorated due to other reasons.
Let me re-write using the concept of a modifier and using connecting words – which, that. Overgrazing, which destroyed the largest percentage of land globally, was followed by deforestation and over-cultivation that degraded 30 percent and 28 percent land respectively.
A total of 23 percent of land was degraded in Europe, the major cause of which was deforestation
, followed by over cultivation which that deteriorated 7.7 percent of the land. Over grazing destroyed the least percentage of land. (please note: This paragraph is not about “23 percent of land” but about “Europe”. Please place “Europe” at the head of the sentence: In Europe 23 percent of total land was degraded primarily due to deforestation. Over-cultivation and over-grazing deteriorated 7.7 percent and 5.5 percent of its (Europe – referencing) land.)
13 percent of Oceania’s land was degraded, the most prominent reason being over-grazing which destroyed 11.3 percent of the land. Deforestation caused a very low percentage of damage, whereas over-cultivation did no loss. North America had the least amount of land degradation, merely 5 percent, out of which 1.5 percent was caused due to over-grazing and
its double percentage (its seems to refer to over-grazing, not 1.5 percent.) 3.3 percent of land was destroyed due to over-cultivation. Deforestation had the lowest percentage of 0.2 percent.
Bands = 7.0. I don’t see many problems. Your sentence structures are fine. However, you could have written better. Please follow the changes mentioned. The answer scores well on “Main Features” and “comparisons.” Cohesion is fine. Paragraph structuring is good. Task response is adequate. No spelling mistakes. Need to work of some vocabulary and grammar issues.