Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Unpaid Community Service Compulsory For High Schools – 1.

111120-N-HV737-018

Image Courtesy: Wikimedia Commons

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is an ongoing debate whether community service such as charity work, improving environment and teaching sports to children should be mandatory in high schools. Although some argue that this is beneficial for the pupils, in my opinion they should not be obliged to do so since …….. (mention the reasons).

Supporters of the obligatory community service in high schools claim that there are it has several positive consequences of it. First of all, society benefits from the work that high-school children do free of charge. For example, they paint public buildings, clean the neighbourhood and restore the parks, which are usually expensive and can be achieved without hiring paid contractors paying any taxes. Secondly, engaging school children in these types of activities keeps them away from crime or bad habits like such as smoking and drugs. Since they will be spending most of their time with useful activities, they will not prefer joining gangs or doing harmful things such as stealing. (Loved reading this paragraph. Only one convern – it is not needed. You should EXPLAIN your opinion. Not the opposite opinion. Your opinion is “they should not do community service.” Write that.)

On the other hand, I believe that youngsters should not be compelled to do community service because it may not be appropriate for all (explain this before raising the next point). Also, school children become more successful when they have the opportunity to do things that they really want and choose to do. For instance, a recent study on child behaviour conducted by the Kings College University has revealed that high school children are more creative and productive on in the subjects that they are interested in. Their performance is much lower on in the mandatory subjects especially if they are not willing to participate. As a result, to maintain efficiency in schools, student should better be offered options. (As a result, to maintain work efficiency of students, they should be offered options to make informed choices.)

In conclusion, I strongly feel that community service should be optional to students and they need to be encouraged to participate in order to benefit the society. This will help them not only make better career choices but also become better citizens. (Your conclusion is too small. Please write at least two sentences. I’ve taken your ideas to construct one more sentence. Also, note the parallelism – make and become.)

Bands = 6.5. Could have scored 7.0 with the right task response in body paragraph 1.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays. You can contact me HERE.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.