Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Task 2 Correction: Technology Has Changed The Way People Interact.

communication technology IELTS PTE

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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has the technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or a negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

A similar question appeared in the April 2018 IELTS exam:

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read another student’s answer.

Answer:

It is true that recently the way people communicate has changed significantly because of the developments in technology. This has both positive ranging from X to Y and negative effects such as A and B on our relationships. (Explain the reasons – X, Y, A, B – in body paragraphs)

Let me rephrase this sentence after going through your essay: This has several positive effects ranging from talking to distant people to contacting old  friends and numerous negatives such as weakening of relationships.

On the one hand, there are several benefits which technology has (present perfect tense – since the benefits still exist and have not vanished) brought to our every-day relationships. First of all Firstly, nowadays it is easier to talk to anyone, (no comma) anywhere in the world. Because, (no comma) most of people own mobile phones, (no comma) and internet or Wi-fi (wifi = internet) is available almost everywhere, so in order to reach someone all we need to do is to press a button (Note the sentence construction: Because X, Y – Where X is one coherent and continuous idea. No commas within X. Don’t use so with because construction.). For example,  thirty years ago a person had to go to the (it is any post office, not a specific. use article “a”) post-office to talk to a relative living in another town, whereas today we have the opportunity to hear the voice of the beloved ones on the train or while walking in the park. Secondly, there are new applications such as Facebook and Instagram, (no comma here) which give us the chance to communicate with more people and old friends. Before Facebook, (no comma here) it was almost impossible to find a friend from primary school if you are were (before Facebook = past tense.) already fifty years-old, but recently new generations have their particular groups on internet. (Okay, a lot of punctuation mistakes. Please discuss the use of a comma with me. Wrong punctuation marks will severaly hamper your bands.)

However, technology does not provide people with benefits all the time. Relationships are more superficial than it has they have ever been, (the idea is complete. Please use a fullstop instead of a comma.) also Moreover, bounds bonds between people are not as strong as it they used to be. Combine the two sentences using NOT ONLY, BUT ALSO construction: Not only are the relationships more superficial than ever before, but also the bond between family members has weakened.

The time before technology got into our lives, we used to care more about relations. For instance, it was difficult to meet a girl that you like, a man  needed to wait in front of the house or the school for ages (You’re reminding me of the old romantic times. Nostalgia!). On the other hand, today there are applications such as Tinder, which makes it very convenient to meet and date. These are two contrasting ideas that you can integrate into a single sentence using WHILE construction: For instance, while meeting a life partner was a laborious romantic exercise in the past, the process has become simpler with websites such as Tinder. However, this has led to weak relationships that break too often.

Furthermore, when having a relationship is so simple, it is also extremely easy to lose it. Since there is no effort to gain, people tend to give no effort to save as well.

In conclusion, in terms of relationships, technology has both benefits and drawbacks, and I think positive side outweighs the negative. It is possible to use technology to maintain strong and long-lasting relationships (you can’t contradict yourself – second body paragraph) Though technology has weakened some human relationships, it has allowed humans keep in touch with friends and family.

Bands = 6.5. Wrong punctuation stood between you and 7 bands. You need to work on writing a better introduction and a scoring conclusion.

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