IELTS Essay Correction: Successful Sports Professionals Earn A Great Deal More Money – 1.

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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal of money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Professional sportspersons earn huge salaries than as compared to people in other professions. On one hand, people justify this as these sportspersons play internationally and work up to bring pride and accolades to their country. On the other hand, some people oppose this by saying it is discrimination to other professions professionals who work equally hard for the country’s development.

It is true that sportspersons dedicate a major part of their life to the country. They get training under strict conditions to perform better (better than whom?) at international arena and for this they are given paid huge amounts of salaries ranging from 45 to 50 lakhs per month. In addition to this, these sports professionals earn through acting in commercials and making appearances at events. (You are supposed to JUSTIFY huge salaries, not explain how they earn these fat paychecks.) For example, the film fare magazine quoted in one of its monthly journal of 2016 that many of the famous sportspersons earn 25 to 30 lakhs working for commercials and making appearances in advertisements and appearing in events(avoid word repetitions)

However, there are many other professionals such as ………. working who work equally hard for the country such as teacher, government employees, doctors, IT professionals, soldiers and police. These professions help the citizens of the country by teaching them, helping them with government policies, by healing them and also by protecting them and the country. Yet they (One pronoun must refer to one noun. they and them must refer to either professionals or citizens.) these professionals are given meagre salaries which do not help them much, considering the rise in prices of everything which, considering rapidly rising inflation, do not help them much. Moreover, these professionals do not have a chance of earning through acting or making appearances. (You’ve explained that this is unfair. Task Response is accurate here.)

In conclusion, although sportspersons bring name fame to the nation, there are other professions professionals who work equally hard and are paid just a few percent fraction of a sportsperson’s salary. This gap of scale of salary should at least reduce in the future, if not equalled (gap can’t be equalled. Salary can be.)The governments and private institutions should make concerted efforts (collocation) to bridge this widening/ yawning gap (collocation).

Total Words = 275. Need to work on L.R and G.R. Please maintain Task Response. Bands = 6.5.

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