The pie charts give information about the percentages of
the total expenditures per year on five different tasks in a particular school in the United Kingdom in during the years of 1981, 1991 and 2001. (during = time) Well-written.
Overall, it can be clearly seen that the largest proportion of spending was on teachers’ salaries, while the insurance costs accounted for the least
percentage of all share in these aforementioned years. (these refers to the years written above. no need to write aforementioned.) Good job!
In 1981, teachers’ salaries
had a accounted 40 percent of all the spending, which (which refers to spending and not teacher’s salaries. Please connect it with the noun it modifies. In 1981, teachers’ salaries, which accounted for 40 percent of the total expenses, was 20 folds greater than ……..) was 20 fold greater than the expense of insurance. Furniture and equipment spending as well as the resources for books had a proportion of the 15 percent of the whole expenditure during 1981. (Please note: An year wise structure of answer prevents you from comparing teachers’ salaries from one year to another year. To make proper comparisons, please devote complete sentences to “one expenses head”. In those sentences cover all years. Example: Teachers salaries, which accounted for 40 percent of total expenses in 1981, increased by 10 percent in 1991 and then declined marginally to 45 percent in 2001. Insurance contributed just 2 percent to total spending and increased marginally to 3 percent in 1991. However, in 2001, it winessed a dramatic increase to 8 percent.) One sentence on teachers’ salaries and two on insurance covering all years. Looking at the details of 1991, In 1991 (brevity) annual spending made on teachers’ salaries rose to 50 percent, following a slight decrease to 45 percent in 2001. In addition, spending on insurance just only went up to a level of 3 percent in 1991, which was 2 percent lower than the furniture and equipment part (What makes you think this is the main feature? Please avoid comparing one category with another in NUMBERS. This will open a pandora’s box necessitating you to compare one category with all four. While comparing make sure that the comparison is REALLY IMPORTANT. For instance – highest, lowest, etc.). In these three years, spending on other workers’ wages, resources such as books and furniture and equipment experienced minor fluctuations.
You missed a number of important features and comparisons. Should follow correct structure. I’ll write an essay on this topic soon detailing the main features and comparisons. Bands = 6.0
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