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IELTS Essay Correction: Unpaid Community Service Compulsory For High Schools – 3.

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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

There is an opinion that volunteer social services, (no comma) such as fundraising for charity, developing relations with neighbours or providing sports education to young children, should be taken as compulsory curricular activities at school. I strongly agree with this statement because by doing so young students not only learn to behave humanly in society but also get an exposure to the tough real world at an early age. (I couldn’t have written better.)

It is scientifically proved that a young individual, whose habits are very flexible to change, can adopt any behaviour depending upon the kind of environment he or she has. Keeping this point in mind Consequently/ thus, if we ensure participation of school students in social work, (comma here) then, undoubtedly, they will learn moral values like self-esteem, empathy, compassion, truthfulness, and honesty. For example, according to a survey held in Punjab University(comma here) Lahore, Pakistan in 2014, majority of newcomers who had excellent behaviour behavioural record at college, they were part of charity societies and different NGO’s at during school. (good job!)

Moreover, (maintain cohesion) It is a matter of common sense that practical world, which is rough and challenging, is entirely different from theoretical bookish world. By getting an opportunity to socialize themselves under teachers’ guidance, (perfect modifier) students will not only become familiar with life’ hurdles but also develop confidence in facing them. For instance, according to a research carried out by a famous student society named Students’ Psychology Facts (SPF), a famous student society in Islamabad. in 2015, critical thinking and problem-solving attitude was observed especially in those students who have had (past of past) been part of some social work at any stage of their academic career.

In conclusion, social work not only helps an individual in learning positive manners and virtuous behaviour but also , and provides him with moral courage in dealing with real world’s hurdles (you’ve used not only, but also construction thrice.). Therefore, volunteer community services should be practiced as compulsory curricular activities in all high schools.

You are a competitor! Bands = 7.0. Let me abstain from filling you with overconfidence. 🙂

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