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IELTS Essay Correction: Working for the Same Organisation – 1.

Working Organisation

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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

While some individuals work for one firm through out their life, others believe that working for different firms will give them an edge that would be conducive for their professional gains. Both the perspectives have its their own approach and I believe that working for one firm is beneficial in order to grow professionally as well as morally. (Reserve your opinion for conclusion. Use this speace to MENTION the reasons supporting both views) The earlier approach guarantees promotion and rewards for committment to one company, the latter one helps gain knowledge and learn new skills.

Firstly, working for one company guarantees promotion; in other words, . Those who stay longer with one firm, find better chances in various ways. First, they get rewards of their honesty and sustainability committment by receiving in the form of bonus and increment. Secondly, sometimes higher post is also offered to the employee for his invaluable contribution (Even those who switch jobs can contribute in an invaluable manner. Maintain task response.) during long years of service. This way a company strategically retains its best employees who stay with them it and exhibit their potential. Secondly, (two firsts and two seconds.) Moreover, working with (for) one firm gives them (whom? them refers to best employees in the previous sentence.) all employees a sense of satisfaction. It is obvious when someone spends years in one single (one = single) a company, an emotional bonding develops between him and his the employer and the employee. Since they value contentment more, they less worry less for the financial growth . and they both value contentment and comfort more than financial incentives.

Some, however, believe in shuffling jobs because they find it the best way to showcase their talent and credentials. In simple words, to work working with different companies keeps them upgraded and enhances (keeps and enhances are parallel) social skills because meeting different people of different varying (word repetition: different) temperaments and backgrounds is also a a unique way of learning that they get after an exposure with different numerous (different) organisations (You’ve written this at the beginning of the sentence. Pitfalls of writing a long sentence). Furthermore, multinational companies offer lucrative salaries; and people, especially youth, (especially = particularly. Specially = in a special manner) gets get fascinated for new job. They do not believe in staying with one firm and gaining experience from their veterans. Instead of job satisfaction, materialistic gain, seemingly, plays a major role in their life. This, however, not the case always; sometimes other factors such as an unprofessional employer or the a contentious atmosphere are also responsible. To illustrate, there are many incidents of a unsociable management that they treats their its staff inhumanely; they and exploit them by imposing extra burden or paying less salary. This way, it becomes impossible to retain one job and continue.

In conclusion, I would say, (Yes, the reader knows you’re writing) although working with different organisation gives new experiences, staying and working with one company, I feel (your opinion. correct!), gives job security as well as job satisfaction.

A number of issues: 1. Subject-verb and subject-pronoun disagreement. 2. wrong word usage (one single, sustainability, specially, etc). 3. Structuring issues (firstly, secondly). 4. Misplaced pronoun. 5. Repetitions. 6. Articles.

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