Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Space Research VS Improving Conditions of People on Earth.

space research IELTS Essay.jpg

Image Courtesy: Pixabay

Billions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Instead of this money could be used to improve living conditions of people on earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Every year governments of many developed countries, (no comma here) invest billons of dollars on space research programms. It seems to be unnecessary as long as the money is not used for problem fixing on the earth. In my perspective, we should first concentrate on preservation of our earth (problem fixing is not same as preservation) and after that we should think of spending money on space exploration.

We must acknowledge, that the space is infinite and is filled with mystery, due to this reason and, due to this (consequently), our curiosity to explore its darkest corners is growing very rapidly. However, it is good beneficial to spend money on space exploration because it can be profitable in many ways (this goes against your perspective. Explain only your opinion.). Through these programs, we can know explore the unknown facts about the universe. It can also be helpful for students in universities, who study about space. (Do not raise a point if you do not intend to explain it) For instance, in 2010, American space research organization [NASA] had (Simple Past tense) launched a space expedition programme named “MARS”. With a budget of dollars 23 billion (modifier)it was the most expensive space expedition of the century with expenditure of $ 23 Billlion dollars. For Under this programme, NASA sent a robot named discovery on mars, which used to send every crucial detail about the red planet, . Few of the photographs taken by discovery clearly indicates the evidence of water on mars. This was the biggest research till date (This sentence signifies nothing. What is the biggest research?). This also strengthen our believe to the most widely asked question ”Are we alone here”. (No context to the essay or to your opinion.)

This paragraph does not conform to your opinion “We should first concentrate on the preservation of Earth.” Lost task response.

Secondly (use this connector only is you are continuing the same idea/thought. Here you are presenting the opposite.) However, our first priority (why is your first priority in the second body paragraph?) should be conservation of mother earth and its inhabitants. For example, we are breathing in toxic air which is deterioting our health, and we are responsible for this low grad (??) air. All over the world, millions of people die due to air pollution caused by human activities. we also littering the beautiful nature on earth by using plastics (Please state a solution – Spend money on cleaning air – before moving to the next topic – plastics. Lack of explanation and low task response.). Moreover, underpriviledged population is surviving for their life, they can barely fulfill their daily needs, they feel helpless to live in harsh conditions(Write better sentences with task response: Moreover, millions of poor people lack resources to fulfil their daily needs and they live a miserable life. International Human Rights Watch declared in 2017 that had the governments chosen to spend global space budget of 2016 on eraticating food shortage, no human would have slept hungry for five years.)

In conclusion, it is good (??) to spend money on space research programs but not at the cost of our first priorities, that is preservation of nature (there is no nature in the question statement) and fulfilling basic needs of population. Without these requirements space exploration has no meaning. You seem to be ignoring the importance of a conclusion. Please make efforts to write an impressive conclusion. If you just mention what “good” means and just a few, specific details on “basic needs of population”, your conclusion will be much better. Let me explain:

In conclusion, though investing (spending) money on space research will help humans test the frontiers of the universe and explain a number of hitherto unexplained events, spending money on humans is more beneficial. This will not only help eradicate social menaces such as poverty and crime but also improve economic standards of the people.

Follow this blog for more such exciting IELTS and PTE essays and like our Facebook Page. Let’s crack English language exams. You can contact us here.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s