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IELTS Essay Correction: Judge Someone’s Success in Business.

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Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in business is by the amount of money he can make. Is money a true indicator of success of a business? In what other ways success can be measured in business?

 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Success largely depends on each individual’s attitude and priority and for many businessmen, (no comma here) it is the refers to amassing riches of money (wealth). While not disavowing with the importance of money in an enterprenuership, I contend that making money is far from being a successful businessman in general. (Please MENTION the things that constitute success.)

I concede that financial stability is one indicator of measuring the success of a company in a the short-term approach. To become a successful businessman, each employer needs an encouraging balance sheet, which motivates the individual (refers to the employer) to go beyond (go beyond what?) and stengthens (strengthens what?) to pursue his career dreams, at the end of the day ( ….. which motivates an individual to make extra efforts in expanding business and pursue his career dreams.). Moreover, without earning a profit, no business can run or expand its services. For instance, the community, I belong to, appreciate someone as successful in his business, when he becomes more affluent. As a result,I agree that the more successful one, the bigger the money he makes. my community in Kerala is a business community and social status along with respect of an individual depends on the revenues and profits of his business.

(You are supposed to express your views. If you believe success can’t be measured in terms of financial gain – as mentioned in the paragraph below – better to disagree in the paragraph above.)

I would, on the other hand, believe that there are other non–financial performance indicators to measure the success of  a business. One of such indicators is employee satisfaction. Even though the business generates monetary benefits, it would these will not be permanent when the unsatisfied employees turnout feel demotivated due to their low income or poor working conditions. The A recent survey conducted in Seder, a multinational company where the business clients are alarmingly decreasing, acknowledged revealed that the drowning of the business directly related to employee turnout lack of client satisfaction due to lack of motivation among employees.

In conclusion, an gradually increasing bank balance would be of great importance in an industrious person’s life. However, he should realize that the job satisfaction of employees and customers play an equally vital role to sustain this success in a the long run.

Task response issue. Please use correct paragraph structure.

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