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IELTS Essay Correction: Art VS Science, Business and Technology.


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Art is considered as an essential part of our culture throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and they focus more on science, business and technology. Why is it happening? What could be done to encourage more people to have more interest in arts?


40 minutes, 250 words at least.


It is widely acknowledeged that arts, be it they fine arts or visual art, play a vital role in our culture and heritage. But, nowadays, people are more interested in science, business, and technology subjects than arts since the latter leave them with less fewer job opportunity opportunities as compared to the former business or technology. However, governments can promote arts by conducting art festivals and organizing cultural events. (Nice introduction. Covers all elements of the question adequately.)

To start with, (You’ve already started with the introduction) in this age of industrialisation globalization, there are abundant job opportunities for those having knowledge in of science and technologyies unlike arts. As a result, these job aspirants tend to pursue their career in science subjects, which not only facilitate them to find a rewarding  job prospectus but also improve their living  status (excellent modifier!), rather than indulge in art forms humanities, painting or dance activities where they have to work purposefully to reach a higher status high-status level. For instance, the monthly pay-scale of a doctor is seldomly related to his duty once he is empoyed, while the earnings of an artist depends on his creativity and expertise. Therefore, in this rat race for an economically comfortable life, science, technology and business is considered superior to art forms.

However, governments can encourage public, particularly young generation towards arts by conducting art festivals and cultural shows which narrate the importance of these art forms. These art exhibitions not only make them aware of its art’s (pronoun its refers to art exhibitions) aesthetic value but also improve creativity and problem-solving skills which would undoubtfully aid(Simple present tense) them in their adut life. Moreover, by oragnizing art-competitons combined with technology art as well as science competitions at schools, where innate creative skills of students is are explored and nurtured expertise, there will be a significant decline in reluctance to dexterity such as dance, painting, and other craftmanship. (The example does not have a strong link with the idea.) A survey conducted by Kerala Arts and Cultural Society revealed that about 40 percentage of students from Thrissur, the cultural district of Kerala, had high preference to art forms whereas in other places it was halved less than 20 percent. This survey showed that passion for artistry fortifies with such civilization activities (which?).

In conclusion, eventhough arts act as a mirror for every country, it is dying a slow death of its own since the it has less significance on job market. Nonetheless, if governments host shows and exhibitions to uphold their values, it will definitely worth for benefit mankind.

A few serious issues. Some sentences make little sense. Please work on making cohesion stronger. 

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