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IELTS Essay Correction: Health Problems Resulting from Eating too much Fast Food.

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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.


Due to poor eating habits, (no comma) globally, a large number of people are facing health issues. Imposing heavy tax on junk food from the government is suggested by some (passive voice. Prefer active: Some people suggest imposing heavy tax on junk foods), however, I feel that regulating certain norms on the manufacturing companies to deter them to produce from producing (deter from) low quality convenience food will be a concrete step towards healthy eating. (Bingo!)

Agreeably, individuals do not have an apprehensive approach for pure eating (Strange sentence with little meaning. What is pure eating? What do you mean by apprehensive approach? IELTS values ideas and sentences that are specific and well deveoped and leave no scope for vagueness/ generalisation.). Since life has become hectic and people do not have time to cook for themselves, they resort on to having processed food which leads to serious medical problems such as diabetes and obesity (Well developed and clear). International fast food chains such as KFC and McDonald offer fast food that is palatable to all taste buds of all age groups (The example is in contrast to the idea stated above. Please explain only one idea in a paragraph.). Moreover, since it is affordable, more and more people want to have this convenient food.

To score higher bands you should have devoted this paragraph to ONE REASON why heavy taxes should NOT be imposed. That is, explain your opinion. 

An enforcement of a strict law by administration against this practice can be a decent step. However, I feel, this is not  sufficient to discourage them to have processed from eating processed food; especially when standard of living has increased and everyone can afford restaurant food, a law can never be of great help (You are opposing yourself. You just supported a stringent law in the introduction.). If state governments keep a surveillance on the fast food companies and release some stringent guidelines to be followed, I feel, it can aid in improving food standard. (NOTE: I understand, by this time, that you are in favour of STRONG oversight and strict implementation of laws and not just formulation/ enactment of laws. However, the written words contradict each other at several places. You will lose bands for not expressing the ideas clearly. The IELTS people will simply say “The arguments can be better developed.”)

Apart from this, surprise visit in the factories by officials will be a clear message to the owners of fast food industries companies that no leniency would will be granted. Most importantly, introducing healthy version such as whole wheat pasta and superfood smoothies will surely divert people’s taste and they will grow liking for natural, raw eating.

To conclude, although, increasing trend of fast food is leading us towards unhealthy lifestyle, I feel, while (do not use although and while together) maintaining standards and closely monitoring fast food chains with simultaneous introduction of healthy fast food will propel a sense of awareness for natural, pure diet a healthy, nutritious and hygenic diet. (pure is a vague word.)

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