20 minutes, 150 words at least.
The given bar chart illustrates the consumption of public and ground water in millions of cubic meters by seven different industries in a year. (A concisely written introduction. Good job!)
Overall, ground water is predominantly used by industries rather than public supply (this placement of rather than compares public supply with industries. Overall, all industries except food/drinks and machinery predominantly use ground water rather than public supply.). Chemical industry accounts for the highest usage of both public and ground water supply. Both textile and fuel industry utilize the least amount of water from public supply while machinery sector
commands consumes the least amount of ground water.
Public supply of water is mainly used by chemical industry with 240 millions of cubic meters (of what?) of water consumption
which and it (the use of which is very different from it. Discuss with me) is followed by food or and drink sector with 190 millions of cubic meters. While 100 and 90 millions of cubic meters of water is used by machinery and metal industry (prefer active voice), other industries such as fuel, paper and textile industries consume only an insignificant amount of water.
Clearly, ground water is the major source of water for chemical industry constituting 430 millions of cubic meters
which and this (this vs it vs which – While this and which refer to the immediately preceding noun or fact, it does not have any particular emphasis. Discuss with me.) is double the usage of public supplied water by the same sector. This is followed by metal, paper, food and drink industry with 240, 190 and 110 millions of cubic meters of ground water consumption respectively. Both fuel and textile industry utilize comparatively less amount of ground water with 10 millions of cubic meters each. The least amount of water is used by machinery industry.
Positives: You’ve written a nice introduction and overall statement. Comparisons and main features are explained adequately.
Negatives: You could have explained thins in a better way by changing sentence structures, using correct pronouns and adding words that create context. Bands = 7.0. Make these adjustments to score more.