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IELTS Essay Correction: Technology Used to Monitor People.

Technology used to monitor people IELTS.jpg

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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

40 minutes, 250 words.

Answer:

Close monitoring of peoples’ activities through technologies such as secret cameras is sometimes, considered as a violation of their privacy right of independence, especially when they are not aware of it (An adequately and accurately expressed idea separates a 8 band sentence from an 7 band sentence.). As per my belief, advantages of this development outweigh the drawbacks because it assures safe and sound society.

Camera (the question is not cameras) installation in all public places guarantees safety of the citizens. Nevertheless, some people find it an infringement in of their privacy. They say, it is highly objectionable if someone’s their daily activities from shopping to meeting someone closer a close friend, is being are monitored (This is not your opinion). Moreover, all individuals are not indulged in anti-social activities; a middle class man who abides with by the law and order can question the existence of such security measurements.

(NOTE: IELTS awards bands for adequately explaining an idea. Please explain “How does technology surveillance guarantee safety of citizens?” Write this paragraph as an explanation of the first (opening) sentence.)

Despite all these concerns, I still feel that camera installation in open areas such as roads, markets, and even in offices, is a full proof measure to safeguard the citizens. (do not switch to the next idea without explaining the previous one.) On the one hand, a surveillance increases productivity in workplace . To elaborate, after the introduction of GPA (what’s that?) system, many transport companies preferred installing it in their vehicle so that drivers can be traced through cellphone. A (there can’t be ONE productivity) productivity and sincerity can be observed in the offices because employees are aware that the employer is scrutinising their work through cameras (You’ve explained the productivity idea. Should have explained the safeguards idea in a similar manner.). Seeing the importance of public monitoring, US and UK governments have ensured that their all public places are kept under camera surveillance (Now you’ve switched back to the safety idea. This raises serious questions over paragraph structuring.). A recent survey revealed that pickpocketers and shoplifters do not enter in the areas, which are installed with the cameras. Therefore, it, clearly, is an effective way to overcome such instances that disturb our day-to-day life.

All in all In conclusion, the above mentioned reasons of planting security camera in all public places should be welcomed because it gives surety of safety of life and belongings of the citizens. However, an encroachment in the their private life of them ought to be avoided.

Please MENTION and EXPLAIN an idea at the same place. Bands = 6.5.

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