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IELTS Essay Correction: Crimes Committed by Teenagers.

In some cities, number of crimes committed by teenagers is increasing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit the major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree?


In recent times, there are a burgeoning number of juvenile crimes are being reported in media and this have has made some people to advocate that adolescent criminals should be (should be tried/ prosecuted as adults) judged for penalty same as that of grown-ups. However, I disagree with this view since, unlike adults, being at the transformational age (this makes little sense. Your sentence is complete without this clause. Moreover, character formation can’t be at a transformational age.), character formation of minors is remarkably attributed to family environment and peer group pressure.

Undoubtedly, family has of a paramount importance in make making (in + verb + ing) or marring lives of young people. As such, in some broken families, where parents are divorced or violent in nature, tender love and care are seldom being provided to their offsprings. Those children’s psychology is too distorted to interpret the differentiate between virtue and vice. Consequently, they are easily get (use only one verb) influenced by the criminal gangs for convicting conducting crimes such as drug trafficking, theft, vandalisam and so on. For an instance, based on the recent article about juveline deliquenecy in ‘The Hindu’, an Indian Newspaper, The Hindu, a famous Indian newspaper, reported recently that more than 50 percentage of the accused children who commit crimes were neglected by their parents. Thus, it is edvident that, taking care of  these childrens should be taken into consideration and trying to reform them should be the primary priority rather than sentencing them into prisons.

Moreover, most of the adolescents are negatively tempted by their contempories peer group. Obviously, due to their immaturity and illiteracy, when a would be delinquent  maintains relationship with another unruly friend or a young offender, they he (subject-pronoun disagreement) are more likely to commit crimes ranging from major crimes offences such as manslaughter, smuggling and burglary to minor crimes ones such as like pickpocketing and drunk driving. For example, according to the speech by a Juvenile court judge, circumstantial evidences against young defenedent always prove that peer-group pressure acts as a threatening conduit of heinous actions. Therefore, according to him, providing education to them will not only improve their behaviour but also enable them to understand how they are expected to behave in society behave properly in society(do not raise a question. Write a statement.)

By way of In conclusion, the threatening rise of crimes among youngsters has made (present perfect tense, not simple past tense) many people to argue that penalty for the adults and youngsters should be carried out similarly ( ….. that adults and youngsters should face similar punishment). Despite this argument, I believe that children below 16 years, who are more susceptible to family violence and social pressure, should be educated or rehabilitated instead of punishing (this is covered under despite this argument).

A lot of issues. Bands = 6.5.

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