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IELTS Essay Correction: Buying Things We can Neither Afford Nor Need.

Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and can not afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What actions can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.


Unprecedented economic growth has given rise to the consumerism. Today, more and more people are indulged in the shopping habits. However, most of the times either the product is of no use or it is above their affordability budget. Soon, and they end up in heavy debt on their heads. As per my observation, psychological reasons are responsible for such whimsical behaviour. Nevertheless, increasing tax on goods is a remarkably fair solution to deter absurd shopping habit. (An impressive introduction. Well-done!)

Firstly, for the sake of social status (perfect modifier!), a large number of people buy products that they do not need. A mammoth share of their salary is spent on the branded clothes and exclusive jewellery (good collocation). This is because, psychologically, they believe that a good range of clothes and jewellery will help them in standing out of the crowd. Soon, high-end goods become their weakness and they buy them these goods (they and them belong to the same category. Them is objective form of they. Please do not use both to refer to different nouns.) at any cost. For instance, top mobile phone companies launch new handsets after every six months which, sometimes, cost nearly lakhs and people, despite having high price (are people having high price? despite high prices of these models …..), purchase them so that they can flaunt them in friends and family. Psychologically, they become so vulnerable that in order to achieve false fame, and they start displaying their belongings on social media which becomes a medium to quantify their happiness. Later, to fulfil their wishes, they take loan which they find difficult to pay back and come under hefty debt. (Good job! Adequate task response, cohesion, grammar and vocabulary.)

However, tremendous numerous (tremendous is used with uncountable nouns – tremendous energy, for instance) options are there to help such individuals to overcome this problem that triggers them to buy products without any reason. Taxation, as per my belief, is the best way to make luxury products such as branded clothes, electronic gadgets, and even beauty products expensive. It will deter them to purchase from purchasing (deter from) anything, and they might will (maintain the same tense) indulge in sensible shopping. In a A recent survey conducted in India states that an increase in goods and service tax has caused dropping of 30 percent of sales in of luxury goods/ items. In addition, psychological consultancy can also be of great help if situation does not resolve (If you’ve raised this issue, please explain it. Do not just mention it.).

To recapitulate, although, (no comma) everybody likes to enjoy new products, a person should always calculate his budget in order to avoid any trouble debt in future. Governments can help individuals from not indulging in purchasing unnecessary items by imposing heavy taxes. (Please write at least 2 sentences in the conclusion.)

Well-done! Paragraph and sentence structuring are adequate. Bands = 7.0

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