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IELTS Essay Correction: Criminals Should do Unpaid Work for Community – 4.

criminals IELTS PTE

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Some people say that not all criminals should be sent to prison. Instead they should do unpaid work to help people in the comminity. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give your opinion and revelant examples.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through the sample answer.

Answer:

Nowadays, crime rates are abruptly increasing in every country which and this has detritus detrimental effects on people and society (which vs this: use which to modify (refer to) a noun and this to refer to the clause/idea.). Presently, some people suggest that offenders should be punished by sending them to jails. However, others assert that doing unsalaried work in the community would will be more beneficial for the people and society. Here,I would like to accord with given statement (which given statement? I can see two. Though some people suggest that offenders should be punished by sending them to jails, I believe that doing unsalaried work ……..).

To begin with (please do not write this. You’ve already begun with the introduction), participating in unpaid work in the local community would will be a positive scheme. To embark (on what? Makes no sense), a salient example of this is the USA that could decrease decreased the crime rate up to 30 percent by educate criminals and teaching providing them vocational training which lead lead to better job opportunities for criminals (education and vocational training is not voluntary service. Task response.). Hence, voluntary services play a paramount role to mend in mending criminals to become good ones responsible and law abiding citizens(please be more specific. “Good ones” is too vague.)

Moreover, most of the offenders reoffend after releasing commit crimes as soon as they are released from prison into society and they usually break the law in order (this is same as commit crimes) to making make a living since they have no experience at works (Moreover, most offenders commit crimes as soon as they are released from prison since they have neither skills nor social support to make a dignified living.). Finally, rehabilitation programs would will be lucrative (how? Please explain this or replace with something else) for society as well as criminals. (Thus, rehabilitation programs will be beneficial both for the society and crimials as they will promote peace and harmony.)

On the contrary, imprisonment policy would act acts as a preventative measure (missing noun) to tackle the problem of up surging crime rates. Stern punishment in jails not only restrict them to (restrict from vs restrict to: restrict from = not allowed; restrict to = allowed. I’m restricted to smoke one cigarette a day. I’m restricted from smoking.) do from doing crime but also to aware them of severe consequences so they would do not offend it break the law again. Subsequently, Consequently, it is the best solution to uphold an ordered society. (I’m not sure of your opinion. This answer scores low on task response.)

In conclusion, while long term punishment could lessen the crime rates in some ways but (while X, Y) there are a variety of certain methods that could aid even better. (which methods. Name them. Do not leave things to interpretation of the examiner.)

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