IELTS Essay Correction: People Should be Encouraged to get Married Before the Age 30.

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It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30 as this is the best for both the individuals and the society. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Generally in the society, people have a mix opinion for the right age of marriage. Some individuals favour marriage before 30s because they find it the right age for marriage (a lot of repetitions – right age, marriage. No need to write this.) as both the genders’ bodies are mature enough to start a family, while others find it prejudice against females. In my opinion, there should not be a time frame or restriction for such an important event of life and people should be allowed to decide for themselves that when will the time when they wish to marry.

Getting married before 30 years of age has some several merits. Firstly, during this period bodies of boys and girls are in full swing, in other words, they are healthy as well as energetic (both healthy and energetic). Consequently, this is the right age to balance obligations of a family with those of work(please explain the first idea adequately befor moving to the next point.) In addition, after completing formal education, they launch their careers. In fact, with the persistence and perseverance, they fulfil their all dreams (the previous two sentences have a weak link with the topic question – marriage before 30.).  Secondly, (No need of secondly since the idea’s explanation continues.) Once they achieve their career goals, and enjoy the fruits of toil of many years, they should settle with someone whom they love because biologically both the sexes are physically fit (this is the same as healthy and energetic – the first point.) in order to make their family. Moreover, girls who conceive during this time frame, seldom face trouble while delivering a baby and enjoy motherhood. On the other hand, girls with late pregnancy invite (subject = girls with late pregnancy) numerous medical issues for women because of hormonal changes after 30 years of age. Lastly, society gets equal perks of this culture of marrying at right age. To elaborate, when it becomes a norm that youngsters must marry before 30s then it gives a fair example to the people who delay this important duty for the sake of their high dreams in career. (The question asked for your opinion and not discuss both views. Please EXPLAIN your opinion ONLY.)

However, not all the folks will support this idea because of a range of factors. They claim that it is a wrong practice against women. Being a weaker gender, they should not be pressurised for marriage, especially when they are walking progressing on their career paths. It should be entirely their own decision that when will they will wish to settle down with someone. For instance, girls who wish to become a doctor can not marry before 30s because it takes nearly 10 years to become a responsible qualified, specialist doctor to render best service. Hence, it is total injustice for career oriented women. Moreover, more than bodies, it should be mental acceptance that matters. By maintaining healthy routine individuals can look after their health, however, opportunities that are lost once, do not come back (Please link healthy routine to your opinion that marriage matters should be left to an individual’s discretion.).

To recapitulate, although early marriage before 30s has some benefits, enforcing something crucial that changes peoples’ life should not be encouraged because marriage is an extremely important step in everyones’ life.

A structural issue: Do you agree or disagree means you have to EXPLAIN your opinion only in both body paragraph 1 and 2. Otherwise, you will lose Task Response score. Another important issue is context. In both paragraphs there are sentences which do not match the sentence’s overall context.

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