Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Like to Wear Fashionable Clothes.

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Undoubtedly, people like to wear stylish clothes; it not only gives them happiness but also increases their confidence. Due to globalisation, it has become easier to follow latest western latest trends. However, I do not support excessive indulgence since an infatuation for luxury clothing can yield a competitive environment between peers, which can severely damage relationships. Therefore, excessive indulgence is not advisable. (Do not use therefore, thus, hence in an introduction.)

In today’s society, individuals are conscious for of their appearance. Looking attractive has become a norm that everyone wants to achieve and clothes aid in enhancing the total look of a person. In most cases, an influence from the western countries plays a key role in making him a person aware of the latest trends in clothing range and accessories. It triggers their imagination and ignites a desire to look as pretty as the model who walks on the ramp in ‘Milan fashion week’. However, this is not the case always; sometimes, peer pressure also kindles entices/ excites them to wear fashionable clothes, especially women and youngsters (women and youngsters are NOT fashionable clothes. Sometimes, peer pressure kindles a desire in individuals, especially women and children, to wear fashionable clothes.), who . They get carried away with the designer apparel of their friends and start imitating them. (Reasons are adequately explained. Good job!)

However, in doing so, sometimes they start feeling envious of their friends pals, which severely affects their relationship friendship and end up in the breakup. Moreover, a longing for the fancy outfit does not mean that anyone can achieve it. It all depends on the financial status of a person who can afford a fashionable cloth, which is impossible for a person with low income. Sometimes, a wish to wear fancy cloth can convert into a whim and malign his brain, which can instigate him to commit a serious crime. In a recent survey, conducted by juvenile justice, Canada, stated that 65 percent of youth crime is related to a desire to have fancy clothes. (Clearly conveyed that this is a BAD thing.)

To recapitulate, following latest fashion trends and wearing nice apparel for self satisfaction is acceptable (I can’t see this opinion in the introduction and body paragraphs.), however, it should be checked if it is fosters a contentious atmosphere.

A well-structured response. Bands = 7.0.

Follow this blog for more such exciting IELTS and PTE essays and like our Facebook Page. Let’s crack English language exams. You can contact us here.

Apply for Canada Student Visa!

Advertisements

2 replies »

    • Dear friend, thank you for the question. An introduction is meant to MENTION the ideas you wish to discuss in your essay. A conclusion is meant to use closing words such as therefore, thus, hence. You can use these words to close an argument in body paragraphs. Certainly not in the introduction.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s