IELTS Essay Correction: Family Situation and Role of its Members are Changing.

In recent years, the family situation and role of its members are changing. What kind of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Over the last two decades, tremendous changes have been seen in the way people live or work. Such tangible (tangible is something that can be touched. No revolution can be tangible. Lexical resource issue.) revolution seen, particulary in families are shifting to nuclear family culture and working parents (badly structured and incomplete sentence: Gradually, the families are transforming from joint to nuclear and youngsters are residing away from their parents.). In my opinion, these developments are advantageous since they not only promoting promote (Simple Present tense) the financial status of each family but also improving improve the educational quality of its children.

To start with (You’ve already started with the introduction), the most significant transformation seen in many families is equal distribution of work among spouses. Precisely, nowadays, both father and mother in a family are breadwinners, whereas in hitherto, This role was hitherto only (Word usage: Hitherto is an adverb that should be used with a verb – hitherto unexplained concept.) centred to on father who worked industriously and while mother stayed at home. But, because of the gender unbiasis and women empowerment and gender equality, it has become regular for women to gain qualification and pursue their career so that they can share the responsibility of their men in a family. In addition to this, moving from joint family to nuclear family or extended family has become norm of the day, which resulting has resulted in decreased burden on each family member.

Undoubtedly, I consider the above trend as a positive vicissitude due to its significance on a family. Firstly, when both spouses are working work in a family, it assists them to earn comparatively more, and thus, resulting results (stick to Simple Present tense) in less financial debts caused by insufficient income. Moreover, due to this, these families can find a competitive educational institution for their children to pursue studies. For example, many low-income parents in India, are not able to send their children to well acknowledged quality/ English medium/ recognised/ well-equipped schools due to exorbitant tution fees. Secondly, (the second point was mentioned using moreoverFurthermore, in case of a nuclear family, each family (word repetition: family) member can save his income due to decreased expenditure and small family structure (Rephrase: Furthermore, since a nuclear family has fewer members and lesser expenditure, it saves more money.). In other words, in a joint family, while all heavy logs are laid on one’s one person’s shoulder who incessantly (an adjective should be used with a noun) works hard for his family incessantly, others those who take the advantage of this situation become more lazy and sluggish (more X than Y). Therefore, I believe that the above recent changes seen in families are welcomable.

In conclusion, over the last couple of decades, a nuclear family structure and women in a job have recognized (not a suitable word) in almost every families (Rephrase: During the last few decades, families have undergone tremendous changes in terms of not only family size but also women empowerment.). From my pont of view, this phenomenon is positive in nature as it assists in a wise budgeting of each family.

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