Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Crime Rate in Most Countries is Higher in Urban Areas Than in Rural Areas.

Crime rate in most countries is higher in urban areas than in rural areas. Why do you think that is? What can be done to reduce the crime rate?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Asnwer:

With the growing number of jobs in urban areas, a large section is migrating from the rural areas to the cities (a large section of rural population is migrating to cities). This has lead led to increased incidents of crime in the cities as compared to those in the rural areas, due to growing sense of dissatisfaction amongst the city dwellers with respect to their lifestyles and the safety issues that arise falling safety levels because of their long working hours. (parallelism issue. Moreover, this sentence is too complex as it contains THREE connections of the same nature – this has led to, due to, because. Please break this into two sentences. This is due to growing sense of dissatisfaction among city dwellers with respect to their life style and falling safety levels because of long working hours. These issues have increased the incidence of crime in urban areas as compared to rural areas.)

The increase in job opportunities in various sectors has lead led to a shift of a considerable section of rural population to the cities for attaining (in search of) better lifestyles. However, due to exorbitant expenditure that is required to sustain such a living, a large section of workers experience immense frustration and resort to crimes such as murder, money extortion and burglary to support themselves (the idea is complete at this point. No need to proceed further), leading and this leads to (without a referencing word this the sentence is not well-structured.) to increased crimes in cities as compared to suburban areas. Moreover, increasing number of working hours of the executives force them to work till late evening and even during night shifts to earn a living. This working class falls an easy prey to thieves and burglars who operate mostly at night.

However, this alarming rise in the rate of crime (in crime rate) needs to be checked by the appropriate use of modern technology by the authorities, such as (such as needs to be linked with technology not authorities) the use of closed circuit cameras at the crossroads and major public places (Let us rewrite this sentence with Active Voice: However,governments need to contain the alarming rise in crime rate using modern technologies such as closed circuit cameras …….). Secondly, mobile tracking and surveillance systems should be enforced to track the criminals. Furthermore, harsh punishments should be enforced on the criminals to deter them from committing these crimes in future. A recent survey by a leading Indian news magazine revealed that increasing use of advanced technological devices has decreased the time of nabbing the it takes to catch criminals and solving solve the criminal cases by half. (“time of nabbing” is open to interpretation. Please write more clearly.)

To conclude, I would like to reiterate to that there is an alarming increase in the rate crime in the fast paced (cities can’t be fast paced. rapidly expanding) cities due to growing dissent among the workers who are not able to sustain their livelihood and have high expectations to lead an urbanized lifestyle. However to ensure the safety of the society, increased surveillance by the police department through the use of modern technology and strict punishments to the repeated offenders by the judiciary need to be undertaken. (Perfect!)

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