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IELTS Essay Correction: Mobile Phones Have Changed the Way People Communicate.

Mobile phones have changed the way many people communicate. Nowadays people can not live without them if they want to be a part of society. To what extent do you think this is true? Why do you think some people have not adapted to this type of communication?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Transformation in the ways of communication has been observed with the advent of mobile phone. It has become necessity of day-to-day interaction as this is the medium that is connecting connects people in their highly volatile (busy) schedules. To a large extent I believe this is true that to a large extent people can not live without mobiles anymore and it is the only option left to be a part of the society while having lived living a busy life.

Admittedly, invention of mobile phones brought a new revolution in the way of communication. Firstly, it played plays a key role in joining (connecting) individuals from the society, especially when excessive work pressure and boundless stress hinder them to follow from following (prevent them from following) traditional means of communication such as meeting someone personally. Back to back day events keeps keep people busy and, in order to respect protocols and societal obligations, it becomes important to resort to conventional (conventional = traditional. These methods are personal one-on-one communication) methods such as texting. Secondly, relying on mobile phones is also a major factor that we can not live without these compact gadgets that we rely on mobile phones (these compact devices) to not only keep records of contact details of the people but also remind us of important birthday and anniversary dates so that we can wish them timely. In fact, writing personal comments about serious social issues on twitter gives us a realisation of a responsible citizen and we feel satisfied that we are contributing in to social causes.

Despite all these benefits of the advanced technology, there are few fellows (informal word when it refers to people) who still believe in the traditional ways of communication which are declared as an obsolete by the tech-sevvy generation. As per their belief, old methods of meeting people and attending their important events is the best gesture to convey our feelings towards them. They believe that these ways are not artificial and give people impression that we they value them (They believe that meeting someone individually is important and gives an impression that all individuals are important.). In addition, exchange of positive vibes can be observed only by meeting people. Instead of keeping contact details in their phones, they maintain a small diary which serves their all purposes of reminding important dates of their loved ones.

To recapitulate, although communication through mobile phones is convenient and it bridges the gap of society (bridges social gaps and individual differences) and individuals quite efficiently, however some people still believe in following old-tested methods of personal communication that actually help them to be an integral part of their communities.

A well-written response. The answer has good task response, cohesion, lexical resources and grammar. A few things can be improved.

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