IELTS Essay Correction: Children Allowed to Make Decisions.

Children over 15 should be allowed to make decisions about their lives without the interference of their parents or teachers. Society should accept that children mature at a younger age these days and should adjust the law accordingly. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Asnwer:

There has always been a conflicting (a debate includes element of conflict) debate whether children should be given freedom to decide about their lives without an interference of their seniors (elders/ parents). Noticeably, due to academic as well as social pressure, they tend to become mature before 18 years of age, and it is my firm belief that certain amendments in law by government can be of great help to the teenagers (….. and it is my firm belief that governments need to make certain changes in laws to enable youngesters make responsible choices.).

Admittedly, current generation is smarter because they not only bear a proliferated an extreme academic pressure but also shoulder their parents unending expectations, which lead them towards maturity before age. Simultaneously, an extra-curricular activities pressure does not let them unwind and enjoy their childhood; which and this (avoid word repetition: which) dramatically affects their behaviour converting them into an accountable person. Sometimes, early biological changes also imperatively irreversibly change their attitude and they want some space and respect for themselves. At this time, a change in existing law or an introduction of new policy will be helpful, which (a policy can’t listen) will listen adequately addresses their problems and provide a solution too. (No where does the question ask why the children are mature. Task response.)

Secondly (Can’t see firstly), because of family break-ups, an upsurge in juvenile crime has been observed over the last few years. No parental support and guidance, sometimes, can make them behave like a youngster (they are youngsters. …can make them act illegally), and a law favouring their rights should be pondered (You’re moving in the opposite direction. The question is on LAW FOR PROTECTING MATURE CHILDREN’S DECISIONS). Apart from all these reasons, a psychological turmoil in their life is equally responsible for their grown-up behaviour. They might have some problem which neither they share with their family nor with their peers. Therefore, a changed or a new law will ensure their secured future and they will peacefully concentrate in their studies. (No where have you mentioned any specific change in law and how it will help them. Be more specific. Task response.)

Proposed structure: The question has two elements and these are evident from the statement “Society should accept that children mature at a younger age these days and should adjust the law accordingly“. The strucute should be as follows:

Body paragraph 1: Reasons why society should embrace maturity among children. Give an example.

Bosy paragraph 2: Reasons why law should protect the rights to make decisions. Give one example.

I’ve written sample body paragraph to help you out. Please go through them.

To recapitulate, equal acceptance to of the children and their feelings is highly important, parents as well as society should understand that due to early puberty, they mature early. Hence, an adjustment in law is compulsory.

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