Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Crime Rate in Most Countries is Higher in Urban Areas Than in Rural Areas – 1.

Crime rate in most countries is higher in urban areas than in rural areas. Why do you think that is? What can be done to reduce the crime rate?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Asnwer:

In these days Thesedays, most countries are facing a big (huge/ herculian) problem as for urban areas in which crime rate is higher of higher crime rate in urban areas than in rural areas (NOTE: Link the ideas to correct words. Your sequence is problem – area – problem (crime rate) – area. Please connect crime rate to problem and urban areas to rural areas. New sequence: problem – problem – area – area.). To my observation, it is likely happened (it is not likely. The question statement leaves no scope for likelythis is happening in most modernized countries because of the huge stress and serious poorness poverty occurred (no need of a verb here) in the urbanized condition urban areas. Therefore, for decreasing the percentage of crime in urban area, the government should improve the environmental/economical issues underlying there(underlying is an adjective that should be used with a noun. …… should improve the underlying environment and economic issues.)

Please address the sentence structuring issues. This may take some practice and continuous evaluations. Keep working!

In urban area, people tend to have mental stress due to the environmental/economical environmental and economical factors. The former one are caused by constraints (such as gives examples of a noun. Please use it with a NOUN only.) such as narrowness of living space, lack of communication between neighbors and lack of nature to relieve (perfect parallelism! good job.). These psychological matters could be a trigger for people to commit a crime. A psychoanalyst at the University of Tokyo said that thugs living in an urban area often have no reasons to commit crimes except their irritation or anxiousness (perfect! Idea mentioned and well-explained.). Moreover, it is clear that an urban area has (OR urban areas have) more poor and homeless people such as homeless than in rural area. I think such poorness poverty could be (leave no scope for doubt) is a factor of that causes high crime rate in urban areas. These environmental/economical conditions (do not use “/” in formal writing. Use “AND”) make urban cities the places in which crimes likely to be committed.

To reduce the number of the crime in an urban area, the government should deal with both environmental issues and economical ones seriously. For example, (this is not an example. This is an explanation of the idea. Please read the example below. Try to create such examples.) the governments had should (since this is a recommendation, please do not use past tense) better to build more public spaces that enable everyone to do (conduct) the a range of activities feely with no charge. It could be helpful for everyone not only to release the stress but also to keep save money for doing activities regardless of the revenue. For example, the Japanese government has invested heavily in the parks and meditation centres during the past ten years and this has tremendously reduced the level of stress among the citizens. (add some data and facts in an example)

To recapitulate, I agree with the statement that more crimes are happened happen in urban areas than in rural areas in most countries. The main reason of this situation seems to be the low quality of environmental/economical (no “/”) condition in urban area. Therefore, if the government treats these issues seriously by investing in infrastructure such as (such as gives examples of noun infrastructure.) creating more public spaces, the crime rate will decrease be decreased(Note: Either write an urban area OR urban areas.(are happened and be decreased are passive voices. Please write in active voice.)

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