Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Undiscovered Oil and Gas Areas Should be Opened for Access.

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Nowadays, fossil fuel consumption is increasing globally. Many argue that to meet this increasing demand of non-renewable energy excavation of unexplored areas should be granted to energy companies. I strongly disagree with this notion because of the environmental risk it possess and considering the fact that there are renewable energy options available. (Excellent introduction!)

To commence with, if we grant our the undiscovered area to energy companies to drill out fossil fuels(need a comma here for IF ….., THEN …….  clause.) it would will be a huge mistake because of the potential for environmental damage. The increased enhanced (word repetition: increased) use of fossil fuels has culminated in global warming due to the increased emission of carbon dioxide. This has increased global temperature which is harmful for humans and the ecosystem would has been (maintain the same tense) irreversibly collapsed (the first idea has been well-explained. Good job!). Moreover, when earth‘s crust is drilled for oil and gas it can significantly damage underground stability and even dries dry up the underground water causing desertification. Even sometimes accidents can occur in these excavation sites. For example, the deep water horizon disaster for example in 2010 demonstrated how disastrous an oil spill is for animals and plant life. (..for animals and plants; …. for animal and plant life.)

Furthermore, we have to consider the available alternative energy sources around us. We should replace our reliance on oil and gas with renewable energy sources such as solar, wind and tidal energy. Exploring these green power sources will greatly help us to decrease the negative effects produced by overuse of fossil fuels. For instance, Cochin International Airport became the first fully solar powered airport in the world contributing to the efforts to reduce environmental degradation. Similarly, use of electric cars can significantly reduce the amount of green house gases. (Alternative souces idea is explained in sufficient detail.)

To conclude, excavation of unexplored areas to meet the energy needs should not be encouraged as it has a detrimental effect on our environment. If we exploit the cleaner renewable energy which is abundantly available in our nature, we can considerably reduce the damage to our ecosystem and we can meet the increasing energy needs. So (Hence) it vital and crucial that government should invest more in renewable energy sources.

The essay scores well on all counts – Task response, cohesion, grammar and lexical resources. Bands = 7.5.

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