Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: When Choosing a Job Salary is the Most Important Consideration.

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is undeniable Undeniably, these days that most of the people are always concerned about the rate amount (choosing wrong words will impact your lexical resource score) of salary when they choose a job. But in my opinion, though salary should be one of the components which should be taken into account while selecting a job, but it should not be the only one (though construction is perfect to express contrast.) since health and along with (to avoid the use of two and)professional and personal life balance is are equally important which should be considered (mention only one. They both convey the same message)(Though the structure of the introduction is fine, you need to be gramatically accurate.)

There is a saying “health is wealth” and it is a very true saying (Writing selected phrases does not help an examiner judge YOUR English. Avoid these.). While Since health is more important that everything else, while selecting a job one should be very careful and ensure that there are no health hazards attached to it. Moreover, it is utmost important to check if the employer is providing comprehensive insurance to all his employees. For instance, an employee who works in a high risk area of an industrial plant must have a proper insurance so that in case of any accident all the expenses would will be taken care of by the insurance company. In the absence of insurance, an employee may end up paying huge money on the treatment. (You’ve raised and adequately explained two issues – health and insurance.)

(1) Another point which should be stressed upon is the balance between personal and professional life. (2) Life is not just about earning, but also about spending (not just …, but also ….. construction. Please maintain parallelism.). (3) A job should be flexibe enough that should it allows you a person to spend personal quality time with your his family and loved ones (Sentence 3 is an explanation of sentence 1 with no link to sentence 2. Please maintain logical flow.). For example, a recent survey conducted by human resource department of India revealed that the employees who works for longer hours in various organizations everyday, fails fail (subject-verb disagreement. Employees = plural.) to build up good relationship and understanding (with whom?) with their spouse resulting in separation and divorce. Furthermore, an adverse effect is also seen on the children where both the parents are working and fail to give sufficient time to their kids. (Please mention a few adverse effects. Furthermore, children in these families suffer from various psychological diseases and often fall prey to evils such as drug abuse.)

In conclusion, it (what does IT refer to? A pronoun must have a clear noun to refer back to.) clearly indicates that money does play an important role in choosing a good job, but there are a few more non-monitory non-monetary points issues such as health, professional and personal life balance that should be considered while selecting a job.

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