Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Best Way to Increase Road Safety.

Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

The incidences incidents (incidence) of road accidents have become more prevalent these days which required requires (maintain Simple Present tense) considerable attention to minimize them (A better construction is: …. and this requires considerable attention.)(This is better suited here than which.). In this context, some people argue that traffic accidents can be reduced by rising lowest legal age limit. However, in my opinion, age limit is not the only factor that is responsible to for (wrong preposition) negatively affecting the road safety, there are other causes which are required to be fix (incomplete passive voice clause.)It is better if you mention OTHER causes.

There are those who believe that the lower limit of age for driving a car and riding motorbike should be rose increased/ raised. This is because they think, it is fairly safe if car or motorbike is these vehicles are (avoid word repetition and improve cohesion at the same time) driven by an adult who is matured mature enough, and have has (subject = an adult) more driving sense regarding safety and sensibly follows traffic rules (This sentence violates the rules of parallelism. Let us reserve this for a later discussion. You can go through the rules HERE.). Whereas young people are less responsible and easily dragged into temptation of showing off their ability to drive vehicle at highest a high speed which, ultimately, results in an accident. Moreover, adults are usually experienced enough to wisely deal with dangerous situation on the road which is somewhat difficult for young. (Every idea should be adequately explained in an essay. Please do not start the next point as long as the previous point is not explained. Structural issue.) However, I think, for young, it is very easy and quick to learn how to drive a car or motorbike safely. The reason is that, (no comma here) the brain of young can be quickly acquainted with complex driving operations which help them to drive a car or ride a bike smoothly and with correct judgmental ability with proper judgement. In addition to that, young people have will-power to overcome their fear of being hit by other vehicles during learning period, in contrast, at adult age it is difficult to learn drive perfectly due to having fear (How does this increase road safety?).

Note: The above paragraph is on TWO contrasting ideas. The earlier part is on increasing the minimum driving age and the latter is on reducing it. Please write only one opinion/idea in one sentence. Write the next opinion in the next sentence.

What is more Furthermore, it is not true that majority of accidents are being occurred by occur due to young people, t . There is the existence of other serious factors which are major causes for road accidents, and required it is necessary to fix them as soon as possible. Take the matter of drink and drive, as an example. For instance, many drivers, who are severely addicted to alcohol, drive vehicle roughly and cross speed limit that results in an accident. This can be resolved by imposing strict traffic rules for such drivers. Another strong reason is that the massive traffic that occurs from due to narrow roads accompanied along with the severely increased the large number of vehicles in cities. If facilities of public transport were improved, it is possible to reduce accidents that occurred occur due to traffic congestion.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that the problem of a road accidents cannot be solved by increasing age limit for driving, but by certain effective methods such as implementing strict road traffic laws and encouraging the use of public transport by providing top-notch convenient and comfortable modes of (write specific things to improve your score. Not general vague things.) public transportation.

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