IELTS Essay Correction: People Like to Wear Fashionable Clothes.

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

In today’s epoch, people judges judge (subject-verb disagreement. People = plural.) each other through their clothes. The trend of wearing apparels is changing day by day. Commoners People (commoners refers to common people only. What about celebrities and rich people?) want to be recognized in the group and follow all the latest trends avails in the market. Their are enormous reasons (please mention the reasons.) behind this and I believe it is demand of time to follow latest trend and wearing fashionable clothes but not on the cost of peace of mind.

An introduction is meant to MENTION the points that the writer plans to discuss in the body paragraphs. Though you’ve made a nice attempt, your essay’s introduction can be improved.

To commence with (You’ve already commenced/begun with the introduction. No need to write this.), people today are becoming conscious (of what?) of their appearance due to globalization and they have to meet with different people, . So (declare conclusion in a separate sentence) if they wear out of fashion clothes they would will not be recognized and consider considered respectful. Moreover, to look different from others and to become trend setter many people love to wear contemporary attires.

IELTS demands both MENTIONING of an idea and EXPLAINING it. Please follow this structure:

Sentence 1 = Mention the first idea.

Sentence 2 = Explain the first idea.

Sentence 3 = Mention the second idea

Sentence 4 = Explain the second idea.

Ssample Paragraph: Many people are conscious of their appearance as (since) it plays an important role in business dealings (IDEA 1). A global business atmosphere today demands adopting global fashion trends such as latest suits and dresses to increase comfort between people of different cultures (EXPLANATION 1). Moreover, fashion helps an individual create an identity among friends and family members (IDEA 2). For instance, in North India women wear different designer suits and lehangas during occassions to create a unique identity and look better than others (EXPLANATION 2). This is widely appreciated in the society (EXPLANATION 2).

I reckon, think that it is having has both positive and negative impacts on society as people follow western culture and (who is accepted?) accepted by foreigners in terms of getting job or making friends (I think that this has both positive and negative impacts on society (IDEA 1 and 2). While following fashion and latest trends helps in securing employment and getting recognition from friends, it also leads to deterioration of local culture (EXPLANATION 1 and 2). Note that you’ve explained the positives in the paragraph above. This is time to EXPLAIN IDEA 2 further.). However, people are forgetting their traditions of wearing attires in order to just flaunt and it is totally wastage of money.

The conclusion is missing.

Total Words = 170. Please write at least 250 words. Else you will lose bands.

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