These charts give data on the destination of U.K graduates and post-graduates (excluding full-time work) for the year 2008.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar charts show the destination of the graduates and postgraduates
pupils (pupil refers to a young child. Not a graduate person.) in the UK who didn’t work in a full-time jobs job during the year 2008.
Overall, what stands-out from
the both charts is that (OR it is clear from both charts that ….) the majority of those these students continued in further studies (OR preferred further studies). Furthermore, the lowest number of the students in both categories worked in voluntary work. (Since these two sentences show contrast – one is maximum, another is minimum – you can use WHILE construction. It is written as “WHILE …X…. , …..Y….” Overall, it is clear from both charts that while most of the students preferred further studies, the least number of students worked in voluntary work.)
In 2008, while the
undergraduate graduate students went into further studies in a very large number, nearly (approximately) 30000, a very relatively small proportion of them started to work engaged (word repetition: work) in charity work. Furthermore, the unemployed students were nearly half those who did more studies study. When looking to the postgraduate bar chart Among postgraduates, most of the candidates resumed their further studies study (resumed seems to suggest as if they had abandoned studies before completion and then started again.) (about 2725) (Please do not state numbers in brackets. Moreover, since NUMBERS represent candidates and not study, link it with the correct word. Among postgraduates, most of the candidates, about 2700, opted for futher study and they were closely followed by those who engaged in part-time work.) while (can’t use while construction since there is no contrast. Prefer AND) part time workers were approximately the same number as equal as further studied persons. Moreover, unemployed pupils and volunteered were about half and less than sixth of the total number (Did you add all numbers? I can’t see HALF. Total is more than 7000.) of students respectively. (Please write both EITHER in separate sentences OR using ‘and’ construction in the same sentence. Moreover, the unemployed postgraduates were about 1600 and those who engaged as volunteers were just about 350.)
Paragraph structuring is good. All important features and comparisons are addressed.
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