Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Allowing Children to Make Everyday Choices.

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food, clothes, and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is crucial for every parent to know how to raise up their children wisely. Many people think that giving the child the opportunity to choose his personal matters can lead to him to be selfish while others see that this is an important mean to teach the child to be decisive. I totally agree with the opinion that allow children should be allowed to take make their own decisions regarding their matters. (A good introduction.)

Many people believe that children are not mature enough and allowing them to make choices can result in being self-centered development of a selfish attitude. (Write a sentence that explains the idea mentioned in the first sentence before writing an example: If parents fulfill every desire of a child, he will get used to making wrong choices.) For instance, if a child gets used to choose certain toys and his parent cannot afford bringing buying them at any time, he will be in a rage. Another important issue is that Moreover, a child whose needs are always fulfilled, cannot feel others’ sufferings. and so (Please explain this idea with one more sentence: That child will never understand how others cope with poverty, fulfill their basic needs such as food and shelter.Consequently, he will never think to take part in social services or charity and will never develop empathy.

Remember: MENTION an idea in one sentence and EXPLAIN it in the next sentence. Only then give an example or a conclusion (Consequently).

On the other hand, an opposing group can raise the argument regards this issue due to many reasons. Firstly, children have to some think that allowing children to make decisions makes them feel they are independent (Directly jump to the idea using a connecting device: On the other hand.). Helping the child to take decisions regards simple matters like food, clothes or toys since early on will result in an adult who can choose his education and work field wisely later on (will = later on) – Idea well mentioned and explained. Secondly, making choices on their own aids children to be more responsible. (Write an explanatory sentence: If a child makes his own decisions, he will learn to adjust to the consequences/ results of those decisions. This will make him more responsible and mature.) For example, the child learns that every choice will have consequences that he will need to bear as it was his own choice not other’s(This is an explanation, not an example. An example contains data, facts. For instance, In several American families, a child is allowed to decide his study time and play time. This has helped shape responsible players such as Michael Jordan and mature leaders such as Barrack Obama.)

In conclusion, a balance should be kept to allow children to make choices so that they can feel free and independent but not to the limit that makes them selfish (This is not the same opinion as expressed in the introduction). I believe that it is vital to teach children to be responsible for their choices and the consequences of these choices. (This is the place to explain your opinion.)

Please go through THIS ESSAY’s structure to learn how to shape an appropriate conclusion for “discuss both views and give your opinion” essay.

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