Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Behave Better When They Are Rewarded.

Some people believe that children behave better when they are rewarded. Others think that punishing them is effective in teaching morals. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through sample answer of a similar question: Punishment Necessary to Learn Distinction Between Right and Wrong.

Answer:

People’s opinion differs as to whether punishment or reward can be a better way to improve children’s behaviour. In my opinion, appreciating their good work through rewards can be more effective than punishing them for bad behaviour. (The introduction is well written. However, it is a bit short. It is advisable to MENTION the reasons supporting your opinion. In my opinion ….. bad behaviour since positive stimulus (reinforcement) makes children confident and motivates them to achieve more.)

On the one side, hand, it is easy to understand why punishing children is assumed to be (this is your reason. Not assumption.) a workable measure to improve their behaviour. First, it is a quick way to make children understand their mistakes and misbehaviour disturbances. (Idea mentioned. Please explain it before switching to an example. Scientific studies have proved that mild scolding and embarrassment in front of peers are useful in altering children’s behaviour.) For instance, children immediately stop treating their siblings badly when they are rebuked by any elders. In addition, scolding generates a fear of getting hurt or embarrassed in front of children’s peers. This fear often deters them from repeating the mistakes which initially led them into such circumstances. (This is an explanation of the first point.) Many successful persons such as Mahatma Gandhi generally owe their success to their strict teachers or parents who regularly warned them from treading on the wrong paths by punishing them.

Please MENTION an idea and EXPLAIN it completely. Only then move to an EXAMPLE. Please follow this sequence. The paragraph is well written.

Nevertheless, I along with many others believe that admiring children is an unbeatable way to generate (shape) well behaved and responsible adults. To elaborate, if children are appreciated and rewarded for good work, they will feel more motivated to up keep up (maintain) the same behaviour in future as well. Hence, behaving well to receive appreciation and love from their elders will soon become their habit and we will have a well-mannered generation of youngsters. (Idea well mentioned and explained. However, you need to state a supporting example to complete this paragraph. For instance, a study in the United Kingdom has revealed that children who receive positive reinforcement and a nurturing atmosphere are more innovative than those who get punished.) By In contrast, punishments can only be effective as long as they fear from are afraid of their elders since repeated punishments can make them fearless and offensive.

In conclusion, although scolding children can help parents to stop them behave from behaving badly at that particular instant, prizes and admiration seems seem better for creating well-mannered and thoughtful society in the long run.

A well-written response. You’ve mentioned and explained the ideas adequately. Please follow the right structure and write examples. There is some scope to improve the introduction. Discuss with me.

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