Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Share as Much Information as Possible – 2.

information share IELTS

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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

During the last century, the world has seen a tremendous increase in the amount of information in all fields like such as science and business. Some people say that information should be shared freely as much as we can, while others argue that there are some kinds of information that cannot be open to everyone. I support the opinion that data should not be shared freely. (A clearly written, concise introduction.)

The first point of concern about data sharing is that it makes personal information available to everyone which increases the risk for of robbery. The available online information allows thieves to hack the personal account and get necessary information that they can using use for stealing bank accounts, (a comma needed) for example. (Mentioned and explained idea well. Good job! However, the question is on Scientific research, business and academic world. Not personal. Task response score falls.)

Moreover, information about company’s own resources and products can increase the conflicts in the market as it can be used by its competitor companies. For example, if a factory developing a new chemical to be used as a drug, other companies can use this information and take the lead for in the new achievement. (You can use the idea of PATENTS to express this point better. I’m sure you are aware of this concept. For example, if a company is developing a new chemical to be used as a drug, it needs to protect the information using a patent. Otherwise, the data can be misused by competitors to make similar products.)

Another important issue would be the possibility of having wars. Using biological materials, namely DNA of certain ethnic groups, scientists can have the information they can use for developing biological weapons that can be used against this group. (This idea is not explained well and leaves a lot of unanswered questions. Please write one more sentence explaining HOW this will be done.)

On the other hand, sharing information has some advantages like such as spreading science and knowledge between people on the individual basis and also between nations all over the world, thus enabling rapid scientific progression and development. By learning from others’ experiences around the world scientists learn more and start one step ahead to achieve more. For instance, if Thomas Edison have had just used the lamp in his hometown, all other countries would still be in the dark. (Edison never shared the formula and, in fact, he protected it using patents. The example is not strong and is unable to exemplify the ideas mentioned. For example, Wikipedia, unlike other commercial encyclopedias, is an open and free encyclopedia that promotes free sharing of knowledge in all domains and subjects ranging from society and science to politics and mathematics. It has certainly made the world a better place.)

To summarize, with all the huge amount of information we have nowadays, data sharing has many risks like network theft, market conflicts, and biological war. Though it may have some benefits, I believe that some information is too precious and should not be shared.

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