Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Housing and Accomodation have Become a Major Problem.

Housing and accommodation have become a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors that have contributed to this problem? What can be done to help reduce the number of homeless people?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The scarcity of houses is becoming a serious issue for several countries. The changing family structure and the explosion of the population seem to be at the root of this problem. However, some workable solutions such as ….. (mention at least one) exist which can ameliorate the situation. (The introduction is closely aligned with the topic and MENTIONS the reasons. Please mention the solutions that you plan to discuss in the body paragraphs.)

The biggest (predominant) factor which is attributed to results in (causes) the shortage of houses is burgeoning population (You’re writing opposite of what you intend.). Having With limited land and houses, and with accelerating rapidly increasing birth rate (Having X and Y; With X and Y. Parallelism mistake – limited and rapidly are parallel. Limited and accelerating are NOT parallel.), it has become challenging to accommodate everyone new generations(Please explain the idea completely using an example: For instance, Mumbai, which is the most densely populated city in Asia, has seen its population double during the past three decades while its area has stayed the same. This has resulted in severe housing shortage and skyrocketing rents.)

Another factor which aggravates the problem of housing is increasing trend of nuclear families. While children would live lived with their parents as well as grandparents in the past, today’s children prefer to live alone either to maintain their privacy or to fulfill work and study related commitments. This means Consequently, more houses are required to accommodate more families. (While the previous idea needed some explanation, this idea is complete.)

Nevertheless, (There is no contrast here that demands the use of nevertheless.)  new laws and changed house plannings can help in the more effective utilization of available land for houses (This problem can be addressed by formulating new laws, strictly enforcing them and changing house planning.). To expand, the government should make a legislation to force citizens to make use of underground space. For instance, garage or storeroom, which do not need much lightning, can be built in the basement. The land saved thus can be provided to other homeless people (Incomplete idea. Are you suggesting that homeless people should be accommodated in other people’s homes? Perhaps you jumped to a conclusion.). Likewise, people should be encouraged to reside in high rise buildings of closely knitted apartments since these can house more number of inhabitants in a relatively smaller piece of land. (This idea is clear and logical, unlike the previous one.)

Re-writing the previous idea in the paragraph above: Government should frame legislation to allow construction of an underground living area which can be used to accommodate more family members. This will eventually help in reducing the need for new housing.

In conclusion, it is clear that rising population and increasing number of children living alone give birth to the problem of housing. However, the government can mitigate this problem by making use of underground spaces and building sky-scrapers.

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