Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Artists Need a Certain Amount of Freedom to Develop Their Creativity.

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through the sample answer HERE. Another student’s answer correction HERE.

Answer.

Art is a powerful form of communication and have has become (is) an indispensable part of human civilization. Many argue that artists‘ freedom should be restricted require freedom to a certain extent to be creative whereas others believe that without complete freedom of expression an artist will not be able to express their his creativity fully (whereas demands that the ideas should be opposite.). In my opinion, while freedom of  expression is important, art must be censored if it contains elements that hurt cultural and religious believes beliefs or instill social and political unrest. (Though the introduction is well structured, it contains several grammatical and lexical resource mistakes. The opinion is clearly expressed.)

Admittedly, an artist plays a crucial role in the development of our society by giving us enormous (enormous is used with a measurable noun. Enormous wealth. Not with ideas) novel (new) ideas, opinions and criticisms in the form of pictures, writing, music or films. Society can use art and take the values from it to develop a better society and helps to overcome cultural and linguistic boundaries (This sentence should offer an explanation to the previous idea. For instance: Artists use their imagination to write novels that later inspire movies, and some science fiction books and movies give creative ideas to scientists.). Moreover, artistic freedom helps to criticize new decisions and changes made by the government in a healthy way and can (Parallelism: criticize should be parallel to suggest.) suggest improvements. For instance, eminent artists such as Leonardo Da Vinci and Pablo Picasso have made valuable contributions to the development of world (HOW? Ideally this sentence should be an explanation of the criticism point.).

On the other hand, a total freedom without any restriction can adversely affect the society by hurting cultural and religious sentiments of people. To elaborate, there are many instances were painters have created God’s and deities in a way which hurt various religions. (I’m sure you can elaborate this point with an example.) Another point to consider is that it unrestricted creative expression can even creates create social tension and political unrest. When an artist expresses his view in a way that that hurts a particular community or a political party, it can lead to communal riots and political instability. For example, recently in India when film Padmavat was released which is a story based on Rajput community in India, it instigated communal riots and violence. (Please create correct sentence structure: For instance, recently a famous Indian director created a movie Padmavat, which allegedly contained some scenes objectionable to a specific community and this led to minor clashes in various parts of North India.) Following it censorship board banned it’s its release in certain part of the country to restore peace across the nation. (Though both ideas are well explained, idea 1 could have been better expressed with an example.)

To conclude, it is an undeniable fact that creative artist play a principal role in the development of the society and artistic freedom is the fundamental human right. However, government should control arts that hurt religious and cultural sentiments of people in order to maintain peace and harmony among various sections of society. (The conclusion is well written.)

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