Some people think that rest and sleep are the best methods to relax while others think that it can be done by involving in some activities like sports. Do you agree or disagree and give your view?
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
The ways people feel relaxed varies person to person. Some
finds find sleeping and resting is as (Correct construction: Find X as Y) the best option while others advocate outdoor activities to get relaxation. There are various factors who which determine an individual’s relaxations methods which counts from a working to jobless and from healthy to feeble individual. There are various factors ranging from duration of work hours and time pressure to nimbleness and laziness which determine an individual’s relaxation methods. This essay will discuss both views. I believe a combination of both approaches is suitable for a person to relax and stay healthy. (The question no where states: Discuss both views. You have to mention your opinion in the introduction and discuss it.)
There is nothing better than a tight sleep and few hours of a rest for a working person
. This as/ since this rejuvenates his mind and body (the second sentence was too small and simple. Please merge it with the previous sentence.). Therefore, 9-5 (This makes little sense: Therefore, people who work from 9 am to 5 pm prefer ……) people prefer staying at home and getting a proper sleep after work as it recharges them. For example, (this is not an example. This is an explanation of the idea mentioned above. Though there’s nothing wrong with the sentence, it is a mere repetition of the previous sentence in different words. Please read carefully.) people who have enormous work load cannot think about going outside and they play to stay relaxed. (Combining the two sentences: Therefore, people who work from 9 am to 5 pm and have enormous work pressure prefer stying home and getting proper sleep after work as it recharges them.) They generally watch TV after going home or sit with a colleague friend after work to take rest , . Any (Write this as a new sentence) type of physical activity is hardy on their list due to work related pressures in thanks to their jet-set (jet set refers to highly social life of the ultra-rich. Wrong word choice. Lexical resource issue.) life. Moreover, an unwell individual cannot perform outdoor activities, resting is the best way of relaxation for him. (This is a new idea that you’ve left unexplained.)
On the flip side
of the coin, many nimble people love playing outside or doing outdoor activities. They feel more relaxed and calm after doing exercise than sitting or sleeping. For instance instant, a sportsperson or a youngster often chooses (you’ve used ‘OR’. So it’s still a singular subject.) outdoor activities for relaxation (This is not an example. This is an idea. Let me convert it into an example by using some data: For instance, a recent survey in Australia revealed that after a day’s work, Australians between the ages 20 and 29 prefer playing football and rugby than sitting at home.). Additionally, part-times or people who those who are engaged in part-time work or are not doing any job sort of jobs, playing any type of game suits them more in comparison to resting because if they are sitting sit (Simple present tense vs present continuous + use of “if, then” clause.) at home they will feel depressed and sad. However, some people who work full-time full-timers (Full-timers and part-timers do not convey any meaning. These word constructions will reduce understanding of the essay and cost you lexical resource bands.) also like playing different types of sports outside on the weekends, this helps balancing their life.
In summary, I think resting and sleeping are the best options for relaxation as most of the people can follow these. However, there should be a balance between outdoor activities and resting for a person to stay fit and relaxed.
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