Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Elderly People are Experiencing Loneliness.

In many countries around the world elderly people are experiencing loneliness in their lives. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is obvious that a large number of older people feel isolated because of dwindling family size and decreasing time-honoured family values (Reasons clearly stated.). However, (This is not a contrast that requires the use of howeverThis problem can be addressed by introducing stern legislations for protecting the elderly and implementing entertaining activities this problem can be addressed. (Solutions are also clearly written. However, I don’t think legislation can address this problem.)

In this day and age Over the last few decades, the family system has been revolutionised transformed from joint family to nuclear family. As the number of family members is decreasing, the chances of being lonely are rising. In many families there are merely parents and one or two children and when they pursue higher education and enroll in work at a distant place, parents feel extremely lonely. (Idea 1 is clearly mentioned and explained in detail.)

Another contributing factor is a lack of traditional family values. Many youngsters do not hold some important values that they learn from kin and kith (This sentence should be on traditional values that are vanishing from the society.). As a consequence, they neglect their parents and leave them alone (You’ve written the result without explaining the traditional values.). For example, in the UK, a significant proportion of elderly people are being sent to nursing care homes because their sons and daughters consider their presence as a burden. (I can’t see any mention of a traditional value.)

Sample paragraph on traditional values: Another contributing factor is the lack of traditional family values. In the past, all family members of different age groups used to consume meals together at the same time. They used to hold various rites and rituals as one unit. This unity is gradually being replaced with individualism and materialism and, consequently, the elderly feel alone.

Nevertheless, There are some various measures which can tackle this issue (ameliorate this situation). Firstly, governing bodies should (these are suggestions. Please use should) enact laws with a view to support aged individuals. By imposing The government should impose a hefty fine and a long imprisonment for people who do not look after their parents and grand parents. Secondly, individuals, governments and non governmental agencies must support aged individuals by providing them with various means of entertainment. While having some fun activities, especially group activities, in their lives, they the elderly (Please mention the subject here since there are two possible subjects in the last sentence – agencies and aged individuals.) do not feel that they are lonely and not cared for. For instance, in Belgium, many parents and school managements encourage children to visit old age homes and involve in activities and games in order to amuse them. (The example is well constructed.)

In conclusion, since family size is decreasing and long established family values are deteriorating, a great number of older people experience loneliness. Though, By enforcing strict rules and organising entertainment activities ensure both their physical and mental well-being. (Wrong use of though construction.)

Total Words = 311.

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3 replies »

  1. legislations for protecting the elderly _ can we close this with adjective?
    Family system has been transformed – has been always followed by ing form.

    Like

    • Good observation.

      1. Yes. You can close a sentence with an adjective or an adverb. “I’m feeling lonely.”

      2. “Has/ have been” refer to “something that began in the past and stays the same.” It may or may not include an ING form of the verb. If the sentence is in the ACTIVE voice, you should use the ING form. In the PASSIVE voice, you should use the third form of the verb.

      I hope this helps.

      Like

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