Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Senior Management Professionals Have Higher Salaries – 2.

Some people think it is a good thing for senior management professionals to have higher salaries as compared to other workers of the same company. To what extent do you agree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Please go through answer correction of student 1 and student 2 on the same topic.

(NOTE: Though your introduction is well-written, you’ve deviated from the path and failed to follow appropriate structure. A serious mistake, indeed!)

Some people think that high ranked executives should have very high payouts as compared to the industrious co-workers who strive to make their firm prosperous. I strongly agree that managers and directors should earn a salary commensurate to their responsibilities and skills.

In the first place Firstly, some of the senior executives have refined their own qualities and abilities throughout many years of service and gained so much experience to be able to head their companies. Hence, for the fact Since they have such much extensive knowledge and duties in of financial and accounting management, public relations and marketing, they deserve to get higher salaries and have more privileges than other employees (Since X, Y construction). For instance, in 2009, in the U.S.A Usa, a stat survey showed that a major part a large number of executives had a 15% percent bonus on their salaries due to their seniority, along with numerous and vouchers and discounts to spend in leisure activities for well-leading leading their team to achieve targets in the last year of activity during the previous year.

(The theme of the paragraph below is incorrect. Your OPINION is for supporting high salaries of executives. Please stick to your opinion. Do not write the opposite view.)

Furthermore, all these privileges for those directors could ignite discontent among other employees and it could impact the firm’s efficiency over many years. More specifically, these discrepancies could bring a sense of jealousy from subordinated subordinate (junior) workers towards their chiefs and, (comma) to avoid this issue, a good leader ought to slightly increase the payroll (whose?) to bring up the morale and build the trust among them. Nonetheless (Wrong use of connecting device), some of the seniors considered to apportion a 5% of their salaries to the other professionals as though since they had so much high salaries that it would have been enough to live for another century (The meaning of this example is not clear. Please write it more clearly. For example, a number of executives across the globe together decided to curtail their salary by 5 percent in 2017 and to distribute it equitably among the subordinate staff members.).

To conclude, it is appropriate for directors earning to earn great exorbitantly high (fat) salaries but they should think also to the prosperity also care about the sustainability of their own firm and create a significant long-lasting (reliable) solution to avoid disparities. (This was not your view in the introduction.)

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