Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Science Tells About Activities That are Good for Health.

Science tells about the activities which are good for our health and others which are bad. Millions of people all over the world know this and still do unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is and what can be done to change it?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

(Some paragraph structuring issues need to be addressed. Explained in the video.)

All around the world, scientist and doctors have always promoted a healthy lifestyle in our society, by (This needs to be part of the main sentence, not a modifier.) giving advices (plural of advice is advice) advice on eating habits and discouraging fatty food (good use of parallelism) or fast food companies. Despite this (refers back to advice) these advices, people just do not seem to really care about our their physical well-being lives. I strongly agree that we should reconsider our lifestyle and make a tiny efforts to maintain our body healthy and fit through a good healthy diet and dynamic activities.

(Please mention the REASONS why people do unhealthy activities. Despite this, people fail in taking care of their health due to established habits and cultural values.)

In the last decade, the vegetarian lifestyle has had a huge surge in on our planet and as a vegetarian diet is considered one of the most balanced for our body. It is known that vegetables have a lots lot of nutrients and help us to heal quickly during an illness period or fight an infection.  A good way to inspire people is to show them how to cook vegetables easily vegetables and teach them some recipes through cooking apps on their smart-phones or through cooking channels. The social networks have a huge impact on our society and we should use these tools to improve our lives (How? Please re-write this sentence to maintain context. Moreover, social networks, which have a huge impact on our lifestyle, can be utilized to promote healthy eating habits.). For example, in 2016, in most of the European countries, it was recorded a surge by 40% of people who decide to switch to a vegetarian diet through a mobile app. (The example is not strong enough. Did this improve their health? Please maintain the complete context. Moreover, this example is not needed since you’ve already explained this point adequately.)

People have been bombarded every day with all these informations this information (plural of information is information) but they still procrastinated procrastiate (you’ve used Present Perfect Tense earlier. Explained in the video.) to change their habits. (IDEA 1, not explained.) They usually do not buy vegetarian meals or choose a vegan option because they are discouraged by the its (use a referencing device) price of it and they opt for a cheap and fatty meal.  Therefore, a reducing of price in reducing the price of vegetables and vegan meals would will encourage people for a healthy alimentation.

Governments should invest more money on in these (There is no mention of any program earlier) alimentation nutrition programs at school and youngsters should be taught how to grow their own vegetables at home and how to make delicious meals using these vegetables (referencing) from scratches. Especially, a country should ban O.G.M (What’s that? Vagueness.) food close all the trades with multinational companies (this idea is not clear. Please avoid it. You’ve already written a lot.).

Alongside changing eating habits, people should break the old-self destructive manner of living, and start exercising in their houses with some workout equipment or running in the woods or doing some yoga in the parks (Complexity in parallelism. You’ve used too many AND and OR. Let us rewrite using COMMA: Besides changing eating habits, people should break the old self-destructive manner of living, start exercising in their houses, run in a park or do some yoga.). Especially middle-aged or and retired people should join a community to share thoughts and tips about alimentation and sport, (Oxford comma needed here) and not abandon themselves to a sedentary lifestyle.

To conclude, people have to change their mindset, stop liking pictures of well fit people on Instagram and should (violates parallelism – change, stop, begin) begin a new path towards wellness.

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